Thumbsucker.

As a child, I sucked my thumb incessantly. I probably sucked my thumb far longer than was appropriate. I now have a student (who is 8 years-old, mind you) who still sucks her thumb and it's really stressing me out. A scene from class on Thursday:

K: [sucking thumb, highly distressed look on face]

Ms. U: K, please take your thumb out of your mouth and wash it. [notices distress] What's wrong?

K: [points to the floor] I stepped on dog poo and it smells! [scrapes shoe on floor]

Ms. U: !!! Try not to wipe it on the floor! Let's go get you a paper towel and some water to clean off your shoe. Then, wash your hands!

K: [cleans shoe]

Ms. U: [cleans floor]

[thirty minutes later]

K: [grabs bottom of shoe absentmindedly, then puts thumb in mouth]

Ms. U: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[thirty minutes later]

K: I have a stomachache.

I hope I was younger than 8 when I stopped sucking my thumb...I don't actually remember. But, I would like to formally apologize to all those people who told me to stop sucking my thumb while I bratted against it. I now understand your horror.

Rain on My Parade.

Jamie just informed me that Dre'Kwon probably meant "...like [you might train] a monkey!", rather than you might stuff a monkey into the microwave.

It is no longer as funny. But, why on God's green earth would you train a monkey to use a microwave??

HOLY CRAP. I hesitantly typed in "monkey" and "microwave" in Google Images (wary of what I might find) to get a picture for my blog, and I've unearthed a whole Monkey-Training-Community! So that is why you train a monkey to use a microwave...My student has taught me a valuable lesson today.*

*This post brought to you by Dre'Kwon.

P.S. Please note the awesome logo for Helping Hands when you visit their site.

Naturally.

Today we were starting a story about seeing eye dogs. Here's a snippet of dialogue in the classroom:

Ms. U: ...guide dogs like seeing eye dogs and dogs for the hearing-impaired are specially-trained to do important things like cross the street or open drawers...

Dre'Kwon: [waving hand excitedly] ...like you can train a seeing-eye dog to put things in the microwave...like a MONKEY!

Most excellent.

In other news, Cody booted on the floor today. It was the first time he had ever done so and Jamie was worried enough about it to call me on my cell phone. I don't think he called me out of concern for my cat, but rather because he was confused about cat behavior. Kind of like the time he thought something was seriously wrong with the cat because he made a weird rattling noise. (Cody was purring).



Cody's all good now if you were worried.

Beta to the Max.

So I finally figured out how to update my blog to "Blogger Beta". Now I have spent a substantial part of my Sunday morning trying to tweak and fix my blog to look like it does now. On the outside the blog is not all that different. But! Now I have something called labels! No idea what labels are except that they must have something to do with organizing stuff. I'll play around with it: this post will be labeled "Geekitude".

In wedding-related news: I'm starting to freak out a little here. I had dinner with a friend who got engaged last spring (read: months after I did) and she's already good to go. Granted she had a much shorter engagement and is getting married in March, but still. I'm worried that the wedding planning is going to stop being "fun" as more panic sets in. I wonder if I have what it takes to become a bridezilla? Time will tell, and this blog will document it.


Finally, in this smorgasboard of a blog post I wish to rant about the house search. As some of you may or may not know, Jamie and I have been casually looking for a house in DC. I say "casually" because: a) we can't really afford a house right now and would not actually be able to buy one on our own, b) our current lease is not up until July, and c) we have neither the time nor the energy to actually look for a house. I enjoy house-hunting. BUT, it's eating away at my heart. The houses around here don't last on the market for more than a week (unless that are sh*tholes) and that is too little time for me to see a house and then arrange for Jamie to see the house. Of the last three houses I liked, all of them were gone within two days of my seeing them, it's like I'm being repeatedly dumped!

I heard that it was a slow housing market, but apparently that doesn't apply to Capitol Hill. Boo.

Pencil Haus.

I realize this may be somewhat of a letdown for some who were expecting something really crazy...but to me, kind reader, this really is hilarious. Maybe I just have a weird sense of humor. This is what I found in Diamond's desk:

Let's discuss. First of all, she has made a house for her pencil sharpener out of a tissue box. Not only that, but it's a comfortable 1BD/1BA home complete with home decoration. Let's also not fail to notice that she has tucked her pencil sharpener in between the downy soft sheets of Puffs (w/ moisturizer). Unfortunately, the bathroom is a mess with his wastes laying on the floor, but she did try to counteract that with a sticky-note drawing taped to the wall (which unfortunately, can't be seen from this angle). She really loves to sharpen her pencil and treasures that sharpener.

What surprises me is that she constructed this house discreetly enough for me not to bust her on it until it was completely done. I don't know if this is testament to her sneakiness, or my complete and utter lack of sight. Also, I am constantly hounding on her to pay attention but it is clear that she is not despite my continued warnings.

After being lectured, Diamond asked if she should throw away her masterpiece. I told her not to because I wanted to take a picture [for my blog]. Shameful. This blog has made me sacrifice what little shred of teacher-integrity I had left. But -- looking at that picture at the top of the page -- I'm glad I now have it immortalized on the internet because, like the "Traffic Light Kite", it'll make me smile after a bad day.

Cliffhanger.

While I love my students, there are times when I am ready to pull out my hair and nails. One of the students who most inspires this level of frustration is my dear Diamond. Very sweet kid, but also very talkative and not at all interested in hearing about verbs or probability. Diamond would much rather sharpen her pencil (every four and half seconds) or play footsie with Malik. Never was her lack of interest in me or my teaching more evident than it was today, when "the desk fairy" (aka: me) was delivering a sweet treat to those students who kept their desks orderly.

I found quite a surprise...

But you'll need to come back tomorrow for the photographic evidence. The battery on my camera died and there are no words to explain so I won't attempt before you see the picture. If you have my sense of humor, it'll be worth the wait. I laughed so hard I almost cried -- but maybe that's just because I'm delirious from lack of sleep.

Walk the Plank.

Jamie reminded me that today is Talk Like A Pirate Day. So, lemme just pull out the ol' pirate phrase dictionary and see what I can find:

Avast! Today we be talking like pirates! Ye be a dirty bilgerat if ye do not comply! Yaaaarrrrrrr.

And that's all I got, because it's entirely too exhausting to talk like a pirate after too little sleep. I hope all of you have a day just brimming with piratey-goodness. I couldn't believe how much stuff there was about Talk Like A Pirate Day...it was all over the place. I multiplied my knowledge of pirate lingo today and I can go to bed knowing that I am a better person now.

Evicted.

Came home today and the locks to my front door were changed. Damn.

Turns out, our downstairs neighbor had requested that his locks be changed (no doubt in relation to the all-out fight he had with his girlfriend in which she ended up thrown down the stairs and the police ended up spending a good deal of time in our stairwell.) Unfortunately, they changed our locks instead. Boo.

The good news is, the kindly maintenance guy who let me in reminded me vaguely of Santa Clause. It brightened my day ever so slightly.

Tonight's Procrastination Provided to You By...

Now I remember what I wanted to post about. I was looking at some list of the 100 Best Music Videos (on which "Thriller" does not make the top 25!) and as a consequence have been singing Daft Punk's Around the World ALL WEEKEND. The video's pretty great once you understand what the hell is going on.

I was also pleased that Aha's "Take on Me" made the top 5 (kind of a given, but I was worried after I saw where "Thriller" was.)

The Post About Nothing At All.

This is Cody doing his best impression of Hitchcock. Terrifying.

Instead of doing work this morning (as I should have been doing), I decided to go catch some grub and see a house with Scott. I really liked the house, and I really liked spending time with my future brother-in-law. Good times.

Hmm. When I started to write this post I had an idea of what to write about. Then, I downloaded the picture and wrote about seeing houses and I have completely forgotten it. Maybe it will come back to me later and I'll write about then. For now, this is a post about absolutely nothing (except for seeing houses and loving Scott.)

It Must Be Late.

A dialogue:

Melissa: [looking through Netflix] Hey, do you want to see Tsotsi?

Jamie: We've seen it already!

Melissa: I don't think so...I'm pretty sure I would remember...

Jamie: I'm positive. We saw it together. It was on my Netflix.

Melissa: Maybe you saw it without me.

James: No! We watched it. I'm positive.

Melissa: I don't remember it at all...explain the plot to me.

Jamie: Dustin Hoffman is an actor that can't get work so he dresses like a woman.

Melissa: ?????

Melissa: ...........

Melissa: I said Tsotsi, not Tootsie.

[Laughter ensues for too long]

We are deliriously tired and so this is hilarious enough to blog about. It's my blog and I get to decide.

Inn of Cult.

I know I've been negligent lately...just lack energy after the school day I guess. It's funny -- all throughout the day I will hear absolute gems from my students. Things that I make a mental note of, and then almost immediately forget. It's frustrating really.

So, instead I will mention that Jamie got nominated to join some law group (an "Inn of Court" for you law types who know what the hell that is...) that sounds pretty prestigious -- only one student from the entire law school is nominated. He got a letter from the Dean of the law school citing his "incredible oral skills", impeccable writing and award-winning performance in Moot Court. This is all fine and dandy, but I think the group is a cult or some scam.

Exhibit A: The Dean misspelled Jamie's name. Apparently, one of GW's top oralists is named "Jaime".

Exhibit B: The website looks a little out of the early 90's. I would link to it, but wish to preserve what's left of Jamie's privacy.

Exhibit C: Past members include some pretty hefty Republicans. Not to be trusted (especially my dad.)

Of course, it could also be a really great opportunity. There are some heavyhitters involved in it now, including some Supreme Court lawyers and a former Solicitor General. Plus, I doubt the Dean of the Law School would really mislead Jamie into the clutches of evil politicos. That is, of course, if the person who wrote the email was actually the Dean of the Law School...[cue ominous music]...dun dun DUN!

Jamie accepted it, so we'll find out the validity of this thing soon enough. Stay tuned.

They Said "Yea" for Mary Cheh.

So Jamie has been working very hard on a political campaign for the past several months. When I say "very hard", I mean making it his first priority -- even over sleep. Take as an example: he worked himself sick with a fever and cold over the weekend. That didn't stop him from staying out campaigning and whatnot until 10:30pm last night. THEN he ditched school today and woke up at 3:30AM to go and put signs out at each poll site and do all the things that a dutiful campaign coordinator will do. Including (but not limited to) driving voters to the appropriate poll sites, informing voters about their rights, and whatever else these political types do on election days. Let it be noted that he has still not come home since leaving the house this morning at 3:30AM.

I just called him and he assured me that he would be home around midnight. Seriously. The man is a workaholic to an extreme. What am I getting myself into??

The great news is that his candidate won. (The Post hasn't updated their site with the information, but I have the insider news. Hopefully, by the time anyone reads this, it'll have been updated.) There is no doubt in my mind that she won because of all of the devoted work of my fiance and his minions. I'm so proud of him...I just wish I could see him for more than 10 minutes straight to tell him so...

Me? I'm sick now having caught whatever it was he had over the weekend. Life is grand.

A Blog Mistress.

I've been a pretty loyal to my blog, aside from a few long(er) breaks and my year-long indiscretion to another host. I like it, but there are some things that are lacking. I'm getting bored with the way the thing looks, but am not techno-savvy/patient enough to actually change it the old-fashioned way. I want more options!

Consequently, I have been toying with the idea of making a switch again. I was recently invited to start a blog using a new program which looks pretty awesome. It's by the same people who do TypePad which I hear is superior to Blogger. Also, this new program would allow me to post videos! and music! and pictures in a more flexible format! This is all very alluring. Add to that new layouts, the ability to label stuff, and whatnot and I'm almost ready to go.

There are two things that are keeping me from making the move: 1) I'd hate to lose all the blogging I have been doing for the past three years and 2) Blogger is supposedly coming out with a "new" and "improved" program. Okay, so maybe I wouldn't "lose" my old posts -- but it wouldn't be as seamlessly connected as it is now. I guess my plan of action will be to wait until Blogger releases the update and hope it's awesome...but I will still toy with the idea of a blog mistress on the side. If things don't work out with Blogger I'll make the switch and hope that people will still check it.

Wow. This turned out to be an incredibly nerdy and boring post. Here's a White Ninja cartoon for you:

A Great Sleepytime Movie.

I get so drained from teaching hyperactive 8 year-olds, that I need my weekend nights to be filled with mindless entertainment. This is usually provided by some movie rented from Netflix. Today's movie was Syriana.

I was predisposed to dislike the movie Syriana. First, because it meant that we were not watching the movie I had rented (Friends With Money). Secondly, Jamie described it to me as "like Traffic" and for one reason or another I really disliked Traffic. So, when you add this bias to the fact that Syriana is not mindless entertainment, I was bracing myself for a really slow-moving movie that was going to make my brain hurt...

[Movie Starts]

Jamie: [gets up to get water]

Me: [watching] ...

Me: ...

Me: This is a really slow movie! It's been showing the same thing for 50 seconds and nothing's happened!

Jamie: That's because I paused it.

Me: Oh.

Maybe I wasn't giving it a fair chance. Regardless, I fell asleep relatively quickly and only woke up for the big explosions and the torture scene. All in all, I can say it was a pretty good movie and having your nails pulled out is a horrible way to be tortured.

The Best Blog Post Ever.

I know it's starting to get to the point where I have an obsession with my student's obsession with traffic lights, but I could not let this just pass me by. Today we finished reading a story about two friends who made "wish kites". As a fun little wrap-up activity, I had my kids make their own wish kites.
This kid cracks me up. Make no mistake, every single wish was to do with traffic lights. Including my personal favorite wish:

I will try not to post about Traffic Light Kid tomorrow. However, let it be known that if he shows up on Halloween wearing a traffic light costume I will die instantly.

Unavoidable Truth.

I was going to try and stay away from this whole Suri business, but I can't help it. Two things:

1) This baby is extremely cute.

2) This baby is partially asian.

Is it just me? Does this baby only look asian to me because I am asian? Is this some deep-seeded bias that I have? I cannot say exactly why she looks asian to me, but despite those stunning blue eyes I cannot deny that she looks at least partially asian. I have said "asian" way too many times in the last paragraph.

One more thing: this child is too perfect looking to be the spawn of Tom and Katie. Aren't most celebrity babies somewhat funny looking since they are the combination of very pretty parents with strong features? It's what you learn in Psych 101: the people we see as beautiful are generally the ones with the most normalized features. You add in a crazy Tom Cruise nose or crooked smile with a Katie Holmes cheekbone and platter-sized eyes and you should get some crazy-looking baby. Not necessarily an asian baby with lots and lots of hair.

Green Light. Red Light.

So one of my students is absolutely obsessed with traffic lights. He never stops talking about traffic lights. This is slightly more disturbing/annoying given the fact that there really isn't all that much to say about traffic lights.

I have seen little boys obsess over trucks, or baseball cards, or dinosaurs, but never traffic lights. I had a classmate in first grade who knew everything there was to know about fire extinguishers -- incidentally, he would do a Steve Urkelesque "Did somebody say cheese???" (except substitute "fire extinguishers" for "cheese") query almost every day. But fire extinguishers seem slightly more interesting since there is that whole fire-rescue and chemical aspect to it. It's more flashy.

But a traffic light?

Yesterday we were writing autobiographies and he mentioned his love for traffic lights no less than three times. Today he pointed out that a bar graph we had drawn looked similar to a special kind of traffic light that shows the directions you can turn (he gave me its technical name which I don't remember). And as he was leaving school today he informed me that he likes all sorts of traffic signs, but the traffic signal is his favorite.

Lucky for him, his mother also told me today that he will be getting a traffic light for his room on his birthday in a couple of weeks. That'll be one happy kid.

Me? I'm obsessed with candy.

Return of the Bunny Man.

As most of you know, I teach at an elementary school in inner-city Baltimore. What that means is that while I have an arsenal of cute, funny, etc. stories to tell about my kids, I also have a number of flat-out depressing stories to tell. I generally try to stay away from the depressing stories on my blog, but every once in a while a story comes along that I feel like sharing. This one falls into the bizarre and depressing category.

Every year (well, at least for the past 3 years that I have taught at my school) we get visited by the "Bunny Man". The kids often refer to the "Bunny Man" much in the way that the "Boogieman" was referred to in my childhood. An important difference between the two, however, is that the Bunny Man actually does exist.

The Bunny Man is a middle-aged man (also a known sex offender) who likes to terrorize our neighborhood and our school by running around naked except for big boots and some bunny ears. While he has been caught on school premises before by police, he always manages to find a way back. Also, he only seems to come out when it rains.

Today, he tried to sneak into the gym while some of our 2nd graders were there. Luckily, our heroic gym teacher managed to force him out and alerted the school. Within seconds the entire place was on lockdown while the Bunny Man ran around aimlessly in the playground. For ten minutes I acted like a fool to attract my student's attention and keep them from looking out of the window (it worked). By the time the police arrived he had already disappeared into the woods.

As serious as it is, what worries me most is how "normal" it all seems to me now. When I first heard that he was back my first reaction was to roll my eyes and feel like the new school year had officially begun. I cannot begin to imagine how big a deal something like this would have been in my elementary school growing up. My own students, on the other hand, encounter the Bunny Man (and other things they should not be encountering) on a semi-regular basis and all I can do is try my hardest to keep them safe for the 7 hours I have them every day.

And hopefully they'll learn a thing or two...

P.S. The bunny picture is just there for cuteness. It's semi-related, right??

Crikey.

Just read that Steve Irwin (aka: The Crocodile Hunter) was killed today in a freak accident. Apparently, he was filming an underwater documentary when a stingray barb went straight through his heart. They say it's a "freak accident" because apparently it's pretty rare for that to actually happen.

Does anyone else find it extremely ironic that after all of the deadly snakes and massive crocodiles etc. that Steve Irwin has poked and prodded in the past, he was actually killed by a stringray? I do. While I don't think I ever watched Steve Irwin outside of a few internet clips and those movie commercials from a long time ago this news really saddens me. After seeing him escape death so many times, people begin to think that he's invincible or that those animals that he loved so much would not be the ones to kill him. Crikey.

Not for Vegetarians.

I discovered this blog a couple of days ago, and while it is disturbing and gross, I am completely fascinated by it. I think I like it mostly because a cat once adopted my family and regularly brought us "gifts" much like Jeff does. I love the idea that cats would present their owners with delicious morsels of food, and then proceed to devour it all except for the grossest parts. I thought the gesture encapsulated the nature of cats and their generosity very well.

Time for Bed.

Just got back from watching Little Miss Sunshine. It was awesome. Go see it.

Jamie is now harrassing our cat by putting stuff on him...and apparently it's now "stuff of my fiancee" time. Yawn. It must be the end of a long day.

And now Jamie is moonwalking in his boxers while humming "Superfreak".