A Pro and Con of Cali.

Let's start with the Con (not the convict sort of cons -- although we have plenty of those). Earthquakes. The one today was surreal in that it was so slow and big. I didn't notice it until I realized that the swivel chair in which I was sitting had done a full revolution. And then it went on...and on...So bizarre, yet slightly fun because there was no earthquake noise which is the worst part of an earthquake (well, not in the big earthquakes, the worst part of a big earthquake is the falling stuff than can crush you). I was riding the earthquake in my chair, and I ended up traveling a few feet from where I started. It wasn't so bad in L.A. as were are almost 200 miles from the epicenter, so it was harmless over here, despite the fact that preliminary findings are saying that this earthquake was bigger than the Northridge one that leveled houses...I hope the news coming out of Paso Robles is relatively good tonight.

As for the Pro (which is pretty out of place now) is the fact that Jamie and I were able to go on a picnic today for our anniversary. In December. Late December. Yay for sun.

But alas, the California sun is not enough. I am heading south to the Bahamas for Christmas with the family. A such, I will be out of updating range for the next week, but do not fret. I will be back with many stories and pictures. Hopefully I will find a way to incorporate them in my blog (without paying too much money). Stay tuned.

And Happy Holidays to all!

Dread.

I am about to enter the final phase of Xmas shopping -- also known as the last minute stage. I am full of dread as I know the mall will be a zoo today. If I'm not out in four hours call a search party.

In other news, I spent "Christmas Eve" with Jamie's family yesterday. Christmas (and it's eve) had to be moved forward a few days because we are all going to be in the Bahamas and lugging all those presents there would just be plain inefficient. I must say it was nice. Jamie's cousin Emily is the cutest thing I have ever seen and is super smart. Her new words for the night included: jaguar, te-dissa (for Melissa), rook, pawn, queen and horsey (we were "playing" chess). Did I mention she's two?? So adorable.

To the shoppery.

"Get 'em Gandolf!"

Today for Jamie's birthday we saw the new Lord of the Rings movie (his choice of birthday activities). I must say it was quite good...just a couple comments: (Slight spoilers warning if you haven't seen the movie yet)

1. What happened to the evil wizard, Soromon? They alluded to him once at the beginning of the movie and that was it. Had I known that he was taken care of at the end of the second movie I would have been more happy at that ending. As it was though, he's just locked up in a tower and forgotten about. He's a wizard. He can find a way out of there.

2. There were like nine different endings there. Apparently, they couldn't pick one. It was still good though -- nice to see what happened to everyone.

3. Legolas/Orlando Bloom is hot.

4. Why do I always always always sit in front of a "talker"? This woman would not shut up throughout the entire movie. It was stuff like: "Jesus Christ that's a big army!" and "Oh my gosh they can't get a break!" and my personal favorite "Get 'em Gandolf!" Shut up lady. There was also a guy who would burst out laughing whenever they showed a hobbit standing next to a normal size person. Because they're so little. Get it? Me neither.

Grade for Return of the King: A
Grade for the running commentary from the woman sitting behind me: D-

Still, that woman is nowhere near as bad as the woman who sat behind me during Chocolat who would explain the jokes behind the lines (i.e. Oh look! The statue is holding a red balloon! It's funny because he was the really strict old mayor, but now everything has loosened up! And so now he's holding a balloon!)

...But Does He Have a Funny Run?

First things first: Happy Birthday Jamie! I know that I'm going to see you in a couple of hours, but I thought I would digitize and immortalize my birthday wishes to you first.

And now for the Rufus update. Jamie and I went to see Rufus in concert last night at the Wiltern. It actually wasn't for Jamie's birthday, but rather for an early celebration of our five-year anniversary. Boy was it good. I know it may seem as though I am obsessed with Rufus since it is the second concert I had seen of his in a month...I just like him a whole lot...maybe I'm just a wee bit obsessed. He actually played the same exact set he had at Smith, but he added a couple extra encores, including one with his father who was in the audience. That was sweet. Rufus was also nervous which was endearing. So, while not as chatty as he was at Smith, the show was still amazing. AMAZING.

I also noticed that Rufus has a funny walk.

Committed.

I somehow managed to land a space on the TFA 2004 corps! [celebrates] I don't know where I will be assigned yet -- that comes in the first week of January -- but I am so, so relieved. I got notification last night upon getting back from San Francisco...I'd like to think of it as a sweet end to a pretty great trip. I woke up this morning with the huge realization that the next two years of my life are occupied now. Holycrap. I also realized that I don't need to apply to law school now. (Sweet).

Did I also mention that Jamie and I had brunch yesterday with really really good banana-nut pancakes and a nice egg scramble. So good. Also, my copy of the second season of Dawson's Creek came in the mail yesterday too. It was a good day for mail. Let's just hope my paycheck is in there now. Time for some xmas shopping.

Then Rufus part deux.

Back to Normal.

I'm back! San Francisco was great, albeit a little cold. Jamie and I got to see a number of great law schools: UC Berkeley, UC Hastings, UC Davis, and Stanford. While this was great for Jamie who has choices among these fine schools -- not to mention who has finished sending in his applications to all these schools -- it was somewhat nervewracking for me...who doesn't (have choices) and who hasn't (sent in applications). Don't tell my dad, but I really have done very little in that direction.

In other news: I'm so sick. Boo. It never fails. Directly after finals I. Get. Sick. [cough]

Pins and Needles.

Today -- the 15th -- is the day that the letters from Teach for America are going out. This probably means I won't hear from them until Wednesday or Thursday since I'm across the country. They have also made it abundantly clear that the notification will be by postal mail, and only by postal mail. These two small facts do not keep me from checking my email every two seconds. Or thinking about calling home to find out if it came in the mail.

I'm in San Francisco right now visiting the brolio and seeing law schools. The brolio is good and the UC Berkeley and UC Hastings are good. Berkeley more so. I'm liking San Francisco.

Anyway I hope that everyone out there is done with their finals and relaxing at home, wherever that may be. I will try and post more often once I get back from San Francisco.

Sin City and Weather Control.

So guess what. I'm home and life is good again. Not that it ever ceased being good...well, except for yesterday morning when I woke up for my final feeling like I was going to vomit everywhere. I guess getting no sleep does make you feel pukey after a couple days. Anyway, the final wasn't so bad...survived it anyway. And then I hopped in the car for Albany Airport.

Everything was pretty sweet until I was delayed in Vegas for two and half hours. I didn't really feel like losing all my non-existent money so I steered clear of the slot machines in that time. But, it did occur to me that every single flight was delayed by at least an hour. Supposedly there was a giant storm over Vegas. I think it's a conspiracy. It is clear that the airport/slot machine typhoons (no pun intended) had constructed some kind of storm machine and were unleashing it last night so that everyone who's flights had been delayed would play their slots in that time. I'm telling you...every slot machine was taken! Mean, greedy slot machine typhoons and their weather control...

The fam is good! Yesterday was my dad's birthday so we had a nice daddy's-favorite-dinner dinner last night...at 10pm. But, now mommy and daddy have taken the weekend off for a romantic getaway! It's a surprise! My dad didn't tell her where they were going! Isn't he cute?!? This means that I'm home alone until Sunday. House party? Come on, Drew...get over here! In actuality, I'm all alone because no one loves me. Maybe I'll do some Christmas shopping.

Home Stretch.

Who's got two thumbs and is not ready for her final in five hours?? [thumb-points to self] THIS GIRL!

The good news is that the next time you'll hear from me, I'll be in lovely California. Sleeping.

Chugga-Chugga-Choo-Choo!

All aboard the all-nighter train!

Paper update: Seven pages complete. I forget how many I have to write, I just know it's more than seven. I'll just keep going 'til I pass out.

Another interesting fact from my paper: Did you know that during the Tobacco Protest (which was mainly women, merchants, and clergy versus the shah for giving the British the monopoly on the tobacco industry), the shah tried to get his harem to smoke cigarettes with him but they said nope: "...tobacco has been boycotted by those who have married us to you". That's pretty kick-ass. Take that shah!

[returns to papering]

Post-Guest Post.

Who knew Jamie had a weird (and somewhat perverted) obsession with elephants. What did you do Jamie? Go to elephantjokes.com? I have one for you:

Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, silly! You get down from a goose!

Although, I did like the burning duck joke.

Quick paper update: I finished my psych papers earlier this week...I had a full five hours left when I turned in my empirical project. I pounded out 38 pages in about 10 hours of writing, ya baby. Of course, 8 of those pages were diagrams. And two were references. And one was the title page. But aside from that -- ALL ME.

Now. This paper that I'm working on right now? Not gonna be quite the same. When I woke up this morning I had no topic. I now have an idea for a topic and am just writing. I will finish it tonight. I will not rest until it is done. Because then I have my law exam. And then home! I foresee much sleepage on the plane ride home.

I will share my final grades on this last series of papers with you all. If I fail it'll be much deserved and pretty funny to see how spectacularly I have failed. Wee!

Back to work! But first: did you know that at the turn of the century (the 20th century, silly) it was illegal for women and men to walk on the same side of the street after 4pm in Iran? If a woman needed to cross said street to get to her home or something, she needed to find a policeman first and get his permission. I guess policemen are just asexual. That's just a taste of how fascinating my paper is. You may interpret that as sarcasm depending on whether or not you did actually find that interesting.

Guest Post

Since Melissa will be detained for a few days due to finals, she asked me to fill in. Give her a post of support for her last days of fall semester.

In the meantime, here's a joke to entertain you:

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
To put out burning ducks.


-------------------

Don't like that one? Ok, try 2:

How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?
All your Hefty bags are missing.

-----------------

Alright, alright:

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?

----------------

Last try:

Why does an elephant have four feet?
Because in the animal kingdom, six inches just doesn't cut it.


That's all folks! Wish Melissa luck with finals.

-Jaimito

To my soulmatey...

...Happy Birthday B-dog. May your 20th year be smooth sailing and your booty be bountiful. Yaaaaaaar.

Un-Scrooged.

I can't walk past a window in this house without staring out it for a really long time. And by "really long time" I mean over five minutes...just staring out a window. Now, perhaps this is partially because I have a big, important paper due on Monday that I don't want to write...or maybe it's the other big, important paper I have due next week...or it might even be that big, important final...but really I think it's because Williamstown is so beautiful and I am sad that this will be my last year here.

Everything is covered in a perfect, glittery blanket of snow. Said snow hasn't stopped coming down since last night so you have to understand that it's a pretty ample blanket -- I'm talking feet of snow. Maybe it's the California in me...but I don't think that seeing the world covered in snow can't affect someone. It affects all the senses...everything is silent, smells fresh and clean, the aforemention glitteriness, and the burning cold. It's amazing. Being in a house this year sort of makes it even more amazing...all we need now is a fire. And some hot chocolate with marshmallows.

I walked down Spring Street earlier this evening and there were children being pulled on sleds up and down the street which had been closed for a holiday parade. There were carolers and people just dancing in the street. General merriment. So, while I may be spending my actual Christmas in the Bahamas -- far away from any semblance of a white Christmas -- I think that tonight was my best non-Christmas ever.

Well...aside from the finals thing.

Snow Like Burning (In a Cold Sort of Way).

The winter storm is here! It's awesome! Well, except for the car accidents that are undoubtedly happening because of it. But other than that, it's awesome!

I finished editing my paper at 4:56pm, and had it sent in by 4:57pm, thereby leaving the network a bountiful three minutes to get it to my prof.'s inbox by 5pm. I'm telling you...being a lazy procrastinator is a science and I am Einstein. Okay, maybe not Einstein but he's pretty much the only science genius I could think of since I'm not a science person. I do know about Watson and Crick -- but I don't know their first names and don't want to look completely ignorant...James Watson? Francis Crick? A little help here from my pre-med friends who have failed to post a comment thus far.

Speaking of scientists: a bunch of them did a study to determine the World's Funniest Joke. Apparently, they had some sort of internet lab and had people from all over the world and from all backgrounds read/submit/rate a bunch of jokes. After much painstaking analyzation they came up with a winner:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Let's discuss. Is this joke actually funny? I believe their methods are tainted. I know I have heard funnier jokes than this...but maybe my sense of humor is a little warped. I tend to like kid jokes that are extremely dumb, for example: Q: What did zero say to eight? A: "Niiiiiiice Belt! C'mon that's much funnier. I also have to admit that I enjoy the occasional dead baby joke. Disclaimer: I LOVE BABIES AND LITTLE KIDS. I'm just a fan of simplicity...Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: Take your foot of its head. The beauty of that joke is that you can also make a dead baby float by putting a baby in the blender and adding a scoop of ice cream.

Post/Comment your joke that's funnier than the "World's Funniest Joke". Do eet.

False Alarm.

It may not be an all-nighter night after all. I have a little over two more pages left. Thank you ding!

But before I get back to work, I have a short story. Despite the fact that it is in the single digits, butt-ass cold temperatures outside, it is a sauna in my room (I can't close my vents!) and I have the windows open. While I work diligently in my room, I hear some guy outside say: "Dude! It's so cold I just saw your fart!". Let us all say welcome to Winter.

"Where's the Ding?"

Seven hours after sitting down to start my paper, my epiphany lightbulb finally dinged. I now know what I want to write about...don't worry...I wrote about five pages of paper pre-ding. Yes, I know that's bad, but the silver-lining lays in the bull-shitting ability that I have cultivated over my years of schooling. Five pages of writing before I even knew what my topic was.

Shut up.

Progress?

An Update...

Melissa: [staring at screen]
Paper: [sucking]
M: [checks mail]
M: [stares]
M: [typing]...self-expansion model...
P: [sucking]
M: [checks mail]

Anyway, the first meeting for the new JA applicants was tonight. It was so weird standing in front of the room instead of sitting with all the nervous sophomores. Man, time went fast. I'm really looking forward to helping to build the new JA class...never mind the long late night meetings. It's going to be good times.

Maybe I should work on this crap paper. But first, I need to check my mail.

Back in the Saddle Again.

Ladies and Gents. It is time for me to pull off one of my all-nighters. I foresee that this 401 paper is going to be pure gold...a plethora of insight and integrity. So thought-provoking, so masterful. A literary masterpiece. A rollercoaster of emotion and "a drop-dead shocker" and.....snoooooooore.

Did you know that I debated with myself for a good 20 seconds over whether or not to include the word "again" in this post title. Well, I did. And now you have a good idea of how little I want to write this paper.

Oh the Shame.

As part of my birthday festivities last night around 2am, Jamie read me an excerpt from my childhood diary over the phone. This is bad for two reasons: (1) Why on earth does Jamie have my childhood diary and (2) that would make me 9 years old.

CRINGE. While I think the world of him and that he's better than sliced bread and all those other cliche sayings, I have deduced that Jamie must have stolen it from my room and picked the lock (yes, it was one of those with the built in lock). I do not believe that I would have willingly handed it over -- love stupor or not. But, since I know Jamie would never do either of those things...maybe he just got me drunk enough to hand it over.

Needless to say, the entry he read me gushed about my love for Jonathan, the object of my puppy-love at the time, and his new "jerk" girlfriend, and other embarrassing pre-pubescent ramblings.

Promise me I will never look back at this blog with the same shame...