A Pro and Con of Cali.

Let's start with the Con (not the convict sort of cons -- although we have plenty of those). Earthquakes. The one today was surreal in that it was so slow and big. I didn't notice it until I realized that the swivel chair in which I was sitting had done a full revolution. And then it went on...and on...So bizarre, yet slightly fun because there was no earthquake noise which is the worst part of an earthquake (well, not in the big earthquakes, the worst part of a big earthquake is the falling stuff than can crush you). I was riding the earthquake in my chair, and I ended up traveling a few feet from where I started. It wasn't so bad in L.A. as were are almost 200 miles from the epicenter, so it was harmless over here, despite the fact that preliminary findings are saying that this earthquake was bigger than the Northridge one that leveled houses...I hope the news coming out of Paso Robles is relatively good tonight.

As for the Pro (which is pretty out of place now) is the fact that Jamie and I were able to go on a picnic today for our anniversary. In December. Late December. Yay for sun.

But alas, the California sun is not enough. I am heading south to the Bahamas for Christmas with the family. A such, I will be out of updating range for the next week, but do not fret. I will be back with many stories and pictures. Hopefully I will find a way to incorporate them in my blog (without paying too much money). Stay tuned.

And Happy Holidays to all!

Dread.

I am about to enter the final phase of Xmas shopping -- also known as the last minute stage. I am full of dread as I know the mall will be a zoo today. If I'm not out in four hours call a search party.

In other news, I spent "Christmas Eve" with Jamie's family yesterday. Christmas (and it's eve) had to be moved forward a few days because we are all going to be in the Bahamas and lugging all those presents there would just be plain inefficient. I must say it was nice. Jamie's cousin Emily is the cutest thing I have ever seen and is super smart. Her new words for the night included: jaguar, te-dissa (for Melissa), rook, pawn, queen and horsey (we were "playing" chess). Did I mention she's two?? So adorable.

To the shoppery.

"Get 'em Gandolf!"

Today for Jamie's birthday we saw the new Lord of the Rings movie (his choice of birthday activities). I must say it was quite good...just a couple comments: (Slight spoilers warning if you haven't seen the movie yet)

1. What happened to the evil wizard, Soromon? They alluded to him once at the beginning of the movie and that was it. Had I known that he was taken care of at the end of the second movie I would have been more happy at that ending. As it was though, he's just locked up in a tower and forgotten about. He's a wizard. He can find a way out of there.

2. There were like nine different endings there. Apparently, they couldn't pick one. It was still good though -- nice to see what happened to everyone.

3. Legolas/Orlando Bloom is hot.

4. Why do I always always always sit in front of a "talker"? This woman would not shut up throughout the entire movie. It was stuff like: "Jesus Christ that's a big army!" and "Oh my gosh they can't get a break!" and my personal favorite "Get 'em Gandolf!" Shut up lady. There was also a guy who would burst out laughing whenever they showed a hobbit standing next to a normal size person. Because they're so little. Get it? Me neither.

Grade for Return of the King: A
Grade for the running commentary from the woman sitting behind me: D-

Still, that woman is nowhere near as bad as the woman who sat behind me during Chocolat who would explain the jokes behind the lines (i.e. Oh look! The statue is holding a red balloon! It's funny because he was the really strict old mayor, but now everything has loosened up! And so now he's holding a balloon!)

...But Does He Have a Funny Run?

First things first: Happy Birthday Jamie! I know that I'm going to see you in a couple of hours, but I thought I would digitize and immortalize my birthday wishes to you first.

And now for the Rufus update. Jamie and I went to see Rufus in concert last night at the Wiltern. It actually wasn't for Jamie's birthday, but rather for an early celebration of our five-year anniversary. Boy was it good. I know it may seem as though I am obsessed with Rufus since it is the second concert I had seen of his in a month...I just like him a whole lot...maybe I'm just a wee bit obsessed. He actually played the same exact set he had at Smith, but he added a couple extra encores, including one with his father who was in the audience. That was sweet. Rufus was also nervous which was endearing. So, while not as chatty as he was at Smith, the show was still amazing. AMAZING.

I also noticed that Rufus has a funny walk.

Committed.

I somehow managed to land a space on the TFA 2004 corps! [celebrates] I don't know where I will be assigned yet -- that comes in the first week of January -- but I am so, so relieved. I got notification last night upon getting back from San Francisco...I'd like to think of it as a sweet end to a pretty great trip. I woke up this morning with the huge realization that the next two years of my life are occupied now. Holycrap. I also realized that I don't need to apply to law school now. (Sweet).

Did I also mention that Jamie and I had brunch yesterday with really really good banana-nut pancakes and a nice egg scramble. So good. Also, my copy of the second season of Dawson's Creek came in the mail yesterday too. It was a good day for mail. Let's just hope my paycheck is in there now. Time for some xmas shopping.

Then Rufus part deux.

Back to Normal.

I'm back! San Francisco was great, albeit a little cold. Jamie and I got to see a number of great law schools: UC Berkeley, UC Hastings, UC Davis, and Stanford. While this was great for Jamie who has choices among these fine schools -- not to mention who has finished sending in his applications to all these schools -- it was somewhat nervewracking for me...who doesn't (have choices) and who hasn't (sent in applications). Don't tell my dad, but I really have done very little in that direction.

In other news: I'm so sick. Boo. It never fails. Directly after finals I. Get. Sick. [cough]

Pins and Needles.

Today -- the 15th -- is the day that the letters from Teach for America are going out. This probably means I won't hear from them until Wednesday or Thursday since I'm across the country. They have also made it abundantly clear that the notification will be by postal mail, and only by postal mail. These two small facts do not keep me from checking my email every two seconds. Or thinking about calling home to find out if it came in the mail.

I'm in San Francisco right now visiting the brolio and seeing law schools. The brolio is good and the UC Berkeley and UC Hastings are good. Berkeley more so. I'm liking San Francisco.

Anyway I hope that everyone out there is done with their finals and relaxing at home, wherever that may be. I will try and post more often once I get back from San Francisco.

Sin City and Weather Control.

So guess what. I'm home and life is good again. Not that it ever ceased being good...well, except for yesterday morning when I woke up for my final feeling like I was going to vomit everywhere. I guess getting no sleep does make you feel pukey after a couple days. Anyway, the final wasn't so bad...survived it anyway. And then I hopped in the car for Albany Airport.

Everything was pretty sweet until I was delayed in Vegas for two and half hours. I didn't really feel like losing all my non-existent money so I steered clear of the slot machines in that time. But, it did occur to me that every single flight was delayed by at least an hour. Supposedly there was a giant storm over Vegas. I think it's a conspiracy. It is clear that the airport/slot machine typhoons (no pun intended) had constructed some kind of storm machine and were unleashing it last night so that everyone who's flights had been delayed would play their slots in that time. I'm telling you...every slot machine was taken! Mean, greedy slot machine typhoons and their weather control...

The fam is good! Yesterday was my dad's birthday so we had a nice daddy's-favorite-dinner dinner last night...at 10pm. But, now mommy and daddy have taken the weekend off for a romantic getaway! It's a surprise! My dad didn't tell her where they were going! Isn't he cute?!? This means that I'm home alone until Sunday. House party? Come on, Drew...get over here! In actuality, I'm all alone because no one loves me. Maybe I'll do some Christmas shopping.

Home Stretch.

Who's got two thumbs and is not ready for her final in five hours?? [thumb-points to self] THIS GIRL!

The good news is that the next time you'll hear from me, I'll be in lovely California. Sleeping.

Chugga-Chugga-Choo-Choo!

All aboard the all-nighter train!

Paper update: Seven pages complete. I forget how many I have to write, I just know it's more than seven. I'll just keep going 'til I pass out.

Another interesting fact from my paper: Did you know that during the Tobacco Protest (which was mainly women, merchants, and clergy versus the shah for giving the British the monopoly on the tobacco industry), the shah tried to get his harem to smoke cigarettes with him but they said nope: "...tobacco has been boycotted by those who have married us to you". That's pretty kick-ass. Take that shah!

[returns to papering]

Post-Guest Post.

Who knew Jamie had a weird (and somewhat perverted) obsession with elephants. What did you do Jamie? Go to elephantjokes.com? I have one for you:

Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, silly! You get down from a goose!

Although, I did like the burning duck joke.

Quick paper update: I finished my psych papers earlier this week...I had a full five hours left when I turned in my empirical project. I pounded out 38 pages in about 10 hours of writing, ya baby. Of course, 8 of those pages were diagrams. And two were references. And one was the title page. But aside from that -- ALL ME.

Now. This paper that I'm working on right now? Not gonna be quite the same. When I woke up this morning I had no topic. I now have an idea for a topic and am just writing. I will finish it tonight. I will not rest until it is done. Because then I have my law exam. And then home! I foresee much sleepage on the plane ride home.

I will share my final grades on this last series of papers with you all. If I fail it'll be much deserved and pretty funny to see how spectacularly I have failed. Wee!

Back to work! But first: did you know that at the turn of the century (the 20th century, silly) it was illegal for women and men to walk on the same side of the street after 4pm in Iran? If a woman needed to cross said street to get to her home or something, she needed to find a policeman first and get his permission. I guess policemen are just asexual. That's just a taste of how fascinating my paper is. You may interpret that as sarcasm depending on whether or not you did actually find that interesting.

Guest Post

Since Melissa will be detained for a few days due to finals, she asked me to fill in. Give her a post of support for her last days of fall semester.

In the meantime, here's a joke to entertain you:

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
To put out burning ducks.


-------------------

Don't like that one? Ok, try 2:

How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?
All your Hefty bags are missing.

-----------------

Alright, alright:

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?

----------------

Last try:

Why does an elephant have four feet?
Because in the animal kingdom, six inches just doesn't cut it.


That's all folks! Wish Melissa luck with finals.

-Jaimito

To my soulmatey...

...Happy Birthday B-dog. May your 20th year be smooth sailing and your booty be bountiful. Yaaaaaaar.

Un-Scrooged.

I can't walk past a window in this house without staring out it for a really long time. And by "really long time" I mean over five minutes...just staring out a window. Now, perhaps this is partially because I have a big, important paper due on Monday that I don't want to write...or maybe it's the other big, important paper I have due next week...or it might even be that big, important final...but really I think it's because Williamstown is so beautiful and I am sad that this will be my last year here.

Everything is covered in a perfect, glittery blanket of snow. Said snow hasn't stopped coming down since last night so you have to understand that it's a pretty ample blanket -- I'm talking feet of snow. Maybe it's the California in me...but I don't think that seeing the world covered in snow can't affect someone. It affects all the senses...everything is silent, smells fresh and clean, the aforemention glitteriness, and the burning cold. It's amazing. Being in a house this year sort of makes it even more amazing...all we need now is a fire. And some hot chocolate with marshmallows.

I walked down Spring Street earlier this evening and there were children being pulled on sleds up and down the street which had been closed for a holiday parade. There were carolers and people just dancing in the street. General merriment. So, while I may be spending my actual Christmas in the Bahamas -- far away from any semblance of a white Christmas -- I think that tonight was my best non-Christmas ever.

Well...aside from the finals thing.

Snow Like Burning (In a Cold Sort of Way).

The winter storm is here! It's awesome! Well, except for the car accidents that are undoubtedly happening because of it. But other than that, it's awesome!

I finished editing my paper at 4:56pm, and had it sent in by 4:57pm, thereby leaving the network a bountiful three minutes to get it to my prof.'s inbox by 5pm. I'm telling you...being a lazy procrastinator is a science and I am Einstein. Okay, maybe not Einstein but he's pretty much the only science genius I could think of since I'm not a science person. I do know about Watson and Crick -- but I don't know their first names and don't want to look completely ignorant...James Watson? Francis Crick? A little help here from my pre-med friends who have failed to post a comment thus far.

Speaking of scientists: a bunch of them did a study to determine the World's Funniest Joke. Apparently, they had some sort of internet lab and had people from all over the world and from all backgrounds read/submit/rate a bunch of jokes. After much painstaking analyzation they came up with a winner:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Let's discuss. Is this joke actually funny? I believe their methods are tainted. I know I have heard funnier jokes than this...but maybe my sense of humor is a little warped. I tend to like kid jokes that are extremely dumb, for example: Q: What did zero say to eight? A: "Niiiiiiice Belt! C'mon that's much funnier. I also have to admit that I enjoy the occasional dead baby joke. Disclaimer: I LOVE BABIES AND LITTLE KIDS. I'm just a fan of simplicity...Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: Take your foot of its head. The beauty of that joke is that you can also make a dead baby float by putting a baby in the blender and adding a scoop of ice cream.

Post/Comment your joke that's funnier than the "World's Funniest Joke". Do eet.

False Alarm.

It may not be an all-nighter night after all. I have a little over two more pages left. Thank you ding!

But before I get back to work, I have a short story. Despite the fact that it is in the single digits, butt-ass cold temperatures outside, it is a sauna in my room (I can't close my vents!) and I have the windows open. While I work diligently in my room, I hear some guy outside say: "Dude! It's so cold I just saw your fart!". Let us all say welcome to Winter.

"Where's the Ding?"

Seven hours after sitting down to start my paper, my epiphany lightbulb finally dinged. I now know what I want to write about...don't worry...I wrote about five pages of paper pre-ding. Yes, I know that's bad, but the silver-lining lays in the bull-shitting ability that I have cultivated over my years of schooling. Five pages of writing before I even knew what my topic was.

Shut up.

Progress?

An Update...

Melissa: [staring at screen]
Paper: [sucking]
M: [checks mail]
M: [stares]
M: [typing]...self-expansion model...
P: [sucking]
M: [checks mail]

Anyway, the first meeting for the new JA applicants was tonight. It was so weird standing in front of the room instead of sitting with all the nervous sophomores. Man, time went fast. I'm really looking forward to helping to build the new JA class...never mind the long late night meetings. It's going to be good times.

Maybe I should work on this crap paper. But first, I need to check my mail.

Back in the Saddle Again.

Ladies and Gents. It is time for me to pull off one of my all-nighters. I foresee that this 401 paper is going to be pure gold...a plethora of insight and integrity. So thought-provoking, so masterful. A literary masterpiece. A rollercoaster of emotion and "a drop-dead shocker" and.....snoooooooore.

Did you know that I debated with myself for a good 20 seconds over whether or not to include the word "again" in this post title. Well, I did. And now you have a good idea of how little I want to write this paper.

Oh the Shame.

As part of my birthday festivities last night around 2am, Jamie read me an excerpt from my childhood diary over the phone. This is bad for two reasons: (1) Why on earth does Jamie have my childhood diary and (2) that would make me 9 years old.

CRINGE. While I think the world of him and that he's better than sliced bread and all those other cliche sayings, I have deduced that Jamie must have stolen it from my room and picked the lock (yes, it was one of those with the built in lock). I do not believe that I would have willingly handed it over -- love stupor or not. But, since I know Jamie would never do either of those things...maybe he just got me drunk enough to hand it over.

Needless to say, the entry he read me gushed about my love for Jonathan, the object of my puppy-love at the time, and his new "jerk" girlfriend, and other embarrassing pre-pubescent ramblings.

Promise me I will never look back at this blog with the same shame...

Brain is Out of Order.

I have been "working" on this paper for the past three hours. Did I mention that it was due last night? Shit shit shit.

Friends, this does not bode well for the finals on my horizon.

In other news, I saw a recent edition of People while waiting in an airport that had the "Most Intriguing Hollywood Couples of 2003!!!" Flipping through it I saw a picture of Jake and Kirsten Dunst kissing. That was a little weird. [mock pubescent girl voice] I still say he was hottest in junior high...whatever Kirsten [/mock pubescent girl voice].

This Merits Its Own Post

I forgot to mention that Jess brought a copy of "The Last Unicorn" to school with her.

If only everyone in the world loved me as much as Jess apparently does.

Jet Lag.

Just flew in from Los Angeles late last night (and boy are my arms tired). I have to say I'm not a big fan of the ass-coldness of Williamstown. Also not a big fan of the slippy sidewalk up Hoxsey Street. I almost bit it at least three times on my way to class.

So. Thanksgiving rundown. Man, when did we all get so old? Not only the brolio -- because he's been old for a while now -- but just the fact that everyone at the "kids" table is old. First off...I'm turning twenty-two tomorrow...and while this is not old per se, I don't really have anymore birthdays to look forward to until 60 or 65 when I start getting discounts on my movie tickets as I age "gracefully". As a sidenote I'm totally going to be one of those old women that still laughs at fart jokes.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. But the news at this Thanksgiving were a handful of engagements and we even went to a family friend's daughter's first birthday party. I remember when said family friend was in high school. At this birthday party I had to harbor a bunch of inquiries about my own marital status (that's the second -- and hopefully last -- time I've used that term in this blog)...what is with that?? Still, it's better than brolio who's being pressured by extended family to have kids. Still...it would be pretty cool to have a niece [SHOVE!]. I kidd.

The family is prepping for a trip to the Bahamas with Jamie's family. For some reason I'm not freaking out about this as much as I should. It's a big deal -- I realize this -- since our families will be spending a week together on a small, isolated island with only each other to play with. Not to mention it's going to be Christmas. Still it's the Bahamas. And we're all good people. [Trembles].

Last, I have to warn you about the next's weeks updates. This week is finals week and is crazy. So, there are two paths my posts might take. The first is that I may not post. The second is that I will post, but they will be short and increasingly panicked and incoherent as the true dread of finals sinks in. Then again, the latter might be interesting for you guys. Let's hope for that one.

Gobble-Gee and Gobble Gobble-Giggle.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Have a great one whereever you are.

It Must Suck to be the Sucky Baldwin.

HOME! So nice to be home. Good to see the family -- my brother and Kathy are visiting -- and nice to see Jamie again.

The trip over was pretty nice. Lots of kids, but luckily they mostly fell on the adorable and entertaining side, rather than the obnoxious and loud one. What was interesting was that for the last leg of my trip from Las Vegas to L.A. I sat next to one of the Baldwin brothers. He was strange.

So I'm reading the airline magazine and Daniel Baldwin pokes me on the shoulder asking to see it. He returned it shortly after, but then poked me again two more times to ask which magazine I'm reading and then what page I was on.

Ten minutes go by and he pokes me on the shoulder. At this point I have finished reading the magazine and just offer it to him. He just says: "actually, I was asking you about that magazine because that's my brother." I'm confused and he clarifies that the article I was reading had Alec on there. "Don't you recognize me?"

Sorry Mr. Non-Celebrity, but not even real celebrities should ask that question. It's pretty obnoxious. I offer some recollection and offer the excuse that I go to school in rural Massachusetts and don't have easy access to pop culture and film. We then do the typical small talk of, whereyouheading?blah blah blah whatever-cakes. Then I politely turn back to my work.

Ten minutes later he pokes me AGAIN and tells me to "Stop Working. Just Stop." He asks where I go to college. I say Williams, he dramatically sighs and says that if I went to USC then he could speak to the dean and make it so that I didn't have finals. Okay. I'm obviously flying home from NOT L.A. therefore I do not attend USC. Also, didn't I just say that I went to school in RURAL MASSACHUSETTS?? But, instead of pointing these out, I tell him he could pull some strings with Morty since Morty used to be the dean for USC and he feigns recognition of the name. Awkward silence and then I go back to work.

[Poke -- I'm starting to get really annoyed].
D.Baldwin: You're really cute you know that? You're adorable.
Me: [thinking] WTF?????
D.Baldwin's Wife/Girlfriend: You're sooooooooooo adorable. We love you.
Me: Ummm. I'll take that as a compliment?
D.B.W/G: Oh you should! We think your beautiful!
D.B.: How old are you?
Me: [mental scream]

It should be noted that I'm not embellishing this. Weirdness.

How sad it must be to have to call attention to yourself and your sad career so blatantly. Also, how sad it must be to have to fly Southwest when your brothers are millionaires. Okay, maybe one is a millionaire. Billy's pretty hot though. Stephen will always have a special place in my heart because for some weird reason I like the movie "Threesome".

Daniel Baldwin's Grade: C-
Daniel Baldwin's Wife/Girlfriend: D
Cute Baby Sitting Next to Me: A

You know those fake mannequin-like people that some commuters put in their passenger seat so that they can cruise in the carpool lane? I need one of those for the airport -- but this one must be a little kid. Then I can be a preboarder. I swear, the majority of the people getting on the plane were in that line because of the kid thing. And some of those kids were definitely not under 6. Stupid Southwest.

Happy Turkey Day!

Gone Home.

Today I return to the West Coast for the first time in a long long time. Let's see how much things have changed in the past year...

It's kind of depressing that I'm taking a huge bag home for 4 days, but it's full of books. None of your crass. Maybe when I come back it will be filled with presents! And puppies! And candy!...and the same books that have to come back.

See you from the other coast.

We are so smart. We are so smart. S-M-R-T.

So technically I'm free. No school until the 1st of December for Thanksgiving Break. I say "technically" because I have a crapload of stuff due the 2nd and will therefore have to spend a whole lotta time working on it over break. But who's bitter?

According to this week's "Record", this year's senior class is the strongest in decades, nay "the strongest, perhaps, in the history of the College" according to Dean Grudin. That must be why I didn't get Phi Betta Kappa. [Snort]. Two seniors were named Rhodes Scholars (one of which is Jeff -- major props to you, friend) and two others were awarded Marshall Fellowships...meanwhile here's me...writin' in my blog...[scratches butt].

I'll do good things...just give me a little more time.

[gets back to studying].

SNOW!

Never mind that it was almost 60 degrees here earlier today.

Oh Williamstown you slay me.

I can't feel my fingers.

Library Pet Peeves II.

These two people have been sitting in the room talking loudly and lauging -- seriously, they are unabashedly talking at normal+ decibels -- for the past three hours. Is the hallway too far away for them? I don't know. Also, they are totally flirting. And one of them is dating my friend...who is not the person she is flirting with. You get a D- for the night girl who shall remain nameless.

[raises volume on new iPod].

[rocks out].

"The Last!!! I knew you were the last!"

You thought I wasn't gonna post today didn't you. Well. I'm not gonna give up quite yet...although this will probably be the longest I've kept anything journalesque going. Be proud of me. So...here's to a quick entry from Jesup.

Yesterday was indeed the day of good eats. Ari's turkey was sumptous (and I don't mean that in a sexual way...perv). Not to mention Susie H's deeeeelicious tuber concoction. Well done boys. We had a lot of really nice people over and good times were had. I was going to be bitter about having to leave early for a yearbook meeting, but then I got to see a copy of the new 2003 yearbook hot of the presses. That made it mo' bettah.

I got my iPod today. I didn't tell you I actually bought because I didn't want to show my weakness...but I did. And it's lovely -- it was even engraved with my name (for FREE!) so none of youse can steal it from me (Mikey). I am currently downloading my CD collection onto it. Boy howdy am I happy.

Now I'm going to talk about a weird dream I had yesterday...not last night, mind you, but the night before last night. Enough time has passed that I don't really remember what happened in that dream, but I do know that there were characters from "Flight of Dragons" in there. Did anyone else see that movie besides me? D? Jess? Bueller...Bueller?? I think it was from the same people who did "The Last Unicorn" which is a fine movie starring Mia Farrow and Angela Lansbury (I believe) and some other guy actor who was Prince Lear but his name escapes me...maybe Jeff Bridges?? Jess'll know.

Anyway, "Flight of Dragons" was the same animation style, and also the same type of "made-for-kids-but-also-traumatizes-kids" story (I used to have nightmares of the boobilicious harpy from Unicorn). There is this part in Flight of Dragons with these screeching rat-like things that drives people and dragons crazy by making this really high-pitched awful noise...that was in my dream. Most unpleasant.

P.S. Did you know they are remaking "The Last Unicorn" but in live-action? Bad idea friends.

P.P.S. I was right...it was Jeff bridges. I rule.

Some Good Eatin'.

Today is the day of good eats.

Just got back from an Advisory Board meeting -- had me a really good sandwich (better than last night's) from Five Corners. I really like Advisory Board. I think it may very well be my favorite activity. We get free food on the dean's office, Dean Johnson (DCJ) is hilarious, and the actual board is pretty freakin' cool. Good times are had.

The other part of good eatin' is gonna take place at Lambert tonight. We're having a very special Thanksgiving potluck dinner...I think it's gonna be huge. Although, Ari's cooking the turkeys so let's hope he knows what he's doing...otherwise I'll have to change this post title to "A Good Sandwich, but some Undercooked Turkey and a Bad Stomachache".

Eep. Gotta go.

Library Pet Peeves.

No Jamie. This is not about the argument we had last night. This is about the girl who just came into the library.

First of all, she brought in her smelly smelly food. I am across the room from her and I can smell the curly fries and tuna melt. Normally this would not be so bad...but that combination of food is HORRENDOUS. Also, she chews very very loudly. And wetly. Holycrap -- shut. yer. hole. while you chew. Last, she is playing her music loudly as well (mind you, she's chewing so loudly I can hear it over her music). But seriously folks, who plays music on the computer without headphones. That's just rude. Granted I am the only other person in here but still. RUDE.

Maybe I wouldn't be so grumpy if I my MP3 player hadn't died. Then I would be able to drown out her overall loudness. Oh. My. God. Who actually smacks their lips as they eat (and isn't 80 and trying to keep their dentures in)? Okay smacking-girl, you're officially on my blacklist.

Right up there with that guy a couple months ago who cleared his throat incessantly for three hours. Oh, and that heavy-breather from last year. I'm usually a tolerant person, but that goes out the window when I have been in Jesup for many many hours.

HOLYCRAP. She just started playing a DVD on the computer without headphones. Holycrap. And she just dropped her fries on the floor. Maybe she'll stop smacking them.

Maybe this is a sign that I should get out of the library.

My day.

Why it sucked.
-Had to get up at 8 despite Saturday status
-Realized that I had a crapload of work to do, not mention a big project presentation the Tuesday after break........for which I have done no work.
-Put in a dollar at the vending machine for a Diet Coke -- it gave me a Cherry Coke (note: this is not the first time this has happened).
-Majority of the day was spent in the library.
-Took a quick break to visit friends -- no one was there.

Why it was good.
-IT'S MY ANNIE LOUISEY'S BIRTHDAY!!!
-Amazing walk down Spring Street (explain later)
-Just ate a pretty good sandwich for dinner.

So...overall ruling on the day: GOOD. You can't compete with Anne Louise's birthday.

So here is a list of the top five reasons I love Anne Louise and hope she has a great birthday:
5. Yesterday, as I was passing the coffee shop Anne Louise rushed out to give me love despite being barefoot and labeled "crazee gurl" by all coffee shop patrons.
4. She's a princess.
3. She can do a perfect reenactment of the episode of "Saved by the Bell" where Jessie gets addicted to speed ("I'm so excited...and I just can't...hide it...[falls into Zach's arms].)
2. She has banana pants.
1. She's pretty hot.

So for all these reasons and more: I love you Anne Louise...have a happy birthday if I don't get to see you tonight. You better party hard.

The aforementioned walk down Spring Street was out of a Farrelly brothers movie...except really good. Let me recap for you...

10:53am. Man in tiny short shorts starts climbing up a steep, wet, grassy hill. Falls all the way down approximately 4 seconds later. Face is covered with grass when he gets up. Showed no signs of injury.

10:54am. Two little kids holding hands skipping/walking briskly down the street. Go on opposite sides of a street sign but forget to let go. Kids collide face first as they both whip around and into each other -- burst into tears. Nearby parent/guardian tries to help them but is laughing too hard. Children showed no signs of injury.

10:55am. Woman walking two dogs stops at a curb before crossing the street. Dogs tangle their leashes around her. Woman is stuck, dogs sniff each others' butts.

Ahhh, downtown Williamstown...center of excitement.

Also, why is Cherry Coke the foulest substance on earth?

Teach free or die.

The following is actual dialogue from my interview:

Interviewer: Under what circumstances would you quit Teach for America?
Me: Ummmmmm....[sighs pensively]....hmmmm...[shifts in seat]
Interviewer: ...
Me: ...if I...died??
Interviewer: [scribbles furiously in notepad]

I wonder if they had a checkbox for that question..."Willing to work for TFA until DEATH...check!" So that probably wasn't the best answer to that question, but I seriously couldn't think of anything.

So the interview day was okay -- it was actually pretty fun! I didn't do as well as I would have liked to, but what are you going to do now. We'll see come December 15th. Overall I give my performance a B, but give the experience an A-. Damn there are some fun/cool/smart people applying to be corps members.

I'll update again soon, but for now I must NAP.

Yargh!

Such the bundle of nerves right now. I am six hours away from my interview and I'm a little (A LOT) scared. eep!

Also, I'm typing with my nose about two inches from the monitor because I already took out my contacts and can't see shit. Just wanted to have a chance at famous last words before tomorrow.

Night! I'll let you know how it goes down...

Sal(i)vation.

Today had the potential to be a bad day. You know, one of those days where lots of little things go wrong...things that wouldn't matter normally, but when added together in one day just makes everything sucky. But then I got two pickles with my Grab-n-Go sandwich instead of one and life was good again. I like pickles.

Except for that time Josh had that jar of giant pickles sitting outside his room for like three months sophomore year. Those pickles were evil.

Hey you know what's funny? I'm taking a Spanish test tomorrow! "Aye, no es bueno." Let's see how much dumber I have gotten over the years.

"Who's the boss? Tony Danza?? I don't think so...it's you!"

So I realized that my last post was kind of a downer. So here's a joke:

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers." she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!" She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."


ba-dum-DUM! Get it? Get it?? Because he's such an a-hole?? He thinks he's the boss but he's not! Get it???

Okay so it's a bad joke...

Multiplicity.

I saw that Michael Keaton movie a long long time ago. I don't really remember the premise (aside from the obvious cloning), but I was thinking about it earlier tonight. Tonight was a pretty busy night -- I had a bunch of back-to-back meetings and I still had to miss one. It made me sad. Don't you ever wish that you could just do more in life. Like, I do all this stuff because I enjoy it and we should all do things that we enjoy. But then you realize that all these other things that you enjoy -- like spending time with friends or reading a book -- just start to fall away. And the things that are less enjoyable like schoolwork and whatnot are completely ignored.

BUT, all is not lost. Because after my last commitment tonight I started doing some work on my lesson plan for Friday's interview and now I'm pumped. I got it honed to under five minutes -- leaving time for one minute of questions -- and I even got the handouts worked out. I'm really excited and also a bit nervous. I don't think I've wanted anything so bad in my life.

Actually, that's not true. What I would like more is a clone so that I can still do everything else I want while preparing for TFA. For example, tomorrow I'm facilitating a discussion on Breast Cancer Awareness. While I'm excited about that -- I'm not going to be fully there because this interview is going to be in the back of my mind the whole time. Well...maybe the facilitating will be some form of preparation for my interview. Who knows?

I'm also a little sad because everything else seems to be slipping a little. Yearbook should be okay, but I got a bitchy email about it earlier today reminding me of all these things I should be doing as the editor. I missed the Peer Health meeting today (see above) and I think a lot of other people did too. Advisory Board's good though and I know Selection Committee's gonna be awesome. But aside from this interview prep thing tonight, I've done not all that much for my paycheck. CLONES! I NEED CLONES!

And if I can't have clones -- a hug would be nice.

Cookie Monster.

Seriously two minutes before i have to go, but I thought I would update.

Tonight we're (my fellow TFA CCs and I) are throwing together an prep session for our interviews on Friday. For this event I purchased some cookies from Stop-N-Shop. The box clearly reads: 24-pk. I'm assuming this means there are 24 cookies in each. But, as I was getting everything ready this morning I noticed that not only did it seem as though there were fewer cookies in the M&M cookie tub, but that the tub had been left open.

Scandal. This leads me to believe that either I bought the tub not realizing that it had been open, and some bad bad person had put their grubby hand in there at Stop-N-Shop and stolen cookies, or some kind of animal is living in my room and ate a cookie. And then was unable to close the tub because of their lack of opposable thumbs.

Would it be unsanitary for me to serve the cookies anyway?? I bought frosting to go on them too! It would be such a waste. Stop-N-Shop needs to put seals on their bakery products.

P.S. Why does the sun hate Williamstown so much? Stupid rain.

Umezaki-Sauce: The Legend

So I've gotten a couple "questions" about the title of this website. And by "questions" I mean people telling me that I'm "gross" and a "perv" (said jokingly...I hope). Too many quotes in that last sentence. Anyway here is the true story behind Umezaki-Sauce:

For those of you that know Jamie, you know that he is the nicest, most not pervy (not that those are mutually-exclusive) guy in town. Anyway, one night (I forget why), we were trying to come up with a nickname for me with his two little brothers (who at the time were 18 and 12). Someone suggested "Umezaki-Sauce" to which Jamie exclaimed: "Umezaki-Sauce? I like it! It sounds like something I'd want to put on my meat!" The clincher was when everyone in the room -- including the 12 year-old brother -- started laughing while Jamie still had no idea why what he said was funny. I'm sure if you ask him, he'll pretend like he meant for it to be funny. If that were the case, Jamie, then SHAME for being so vulgur around your 12 year-old brother! But we all know the truth...

On another note: the comment option seems to be sort of shoddy right now -- sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. I apologize.

Gather round kiddies...

...I have a story to tell.

This story is about a man named "Doo". Now, this "Doo" fellow is quite the riot -- real funny-like. He enjoys striking at my soft spot for a certain former-Dawson's Creek star (and what a bright star it was too). Anyway...this guy (Doo) is a real jerkface and he decides to mock my love for Rufus and former Dawson's Creek star all in one day. What. A. Butt.

So Doo is getting married in June and -- because he is evil -- planned his wedding for the day before my college graduation. I have deduced that this is because he is trying to steal Jamie (and his frigid toes) away from me. Needless to say, I proved to weak for Doo's sinister powers, and Jamie will be attending the wedding in June without me and I will be left to graduate all by myself. [shakes fist] Let's see what kind of wedding gift you get, Doo!

But, seriously folks: I am a gullible ass.

Here's to my expensive education.

Two out my three classes today had a guest speaker. The one I choose to focus on for this post is psychologist Daryl Bem. Prof. Bem focuses much of his studies on sexual orientation and a notion of a gay gene (for those interested he believes there is no gay gene, but rather a genetic driving force in temperament which determines sexual orientation). But, I will not get into that too much. Rather I will focus on one study from his lecture:

To test sex differences in views on casual sex, Bem had two good-looking experimenters (one male, one female) go around college campuses (I forget which campus this was...he's taught at Stanford, Harvard, and Cornell though) and approach random students with the following statement: "I've seen you around and I find you very attractive. Would you like to _______?" Into this blank insert (A) go on a date?, (B) come over to my apartment? or (C) have sex?

The results:

Women: 52 said they would go on a date, 6 agreed to the apartment option, and 0 said "yes" to sex.
Men: 50 agreed to go on a date, 69 would go to the apartment, and 75 said "yes" to the sex option.

Now...I can gather that men view casual sex differently than women -- after all there is an added danger for a woman to go to a strange man's apartment (much less have sex with him) that men don't necessarily face. Also, there is the baby factor. But 75??? Who are these 75 men??

He then followed this with a theory for the stereotype that gay men are more promiscous. Since [fingerquotes] all men (gay or straight) perceive casual sex as not so bad then gay men are more likely to meet up with a potential partner that wouldn't scoff at casual sex. Meanwhile straight men go to women (incidentally both hetero- and homosexual women did not like casual sex) who would not agree to casual sex. They are barking up the wrong tree per se.

Very interesting Mr. Bem. My dad would be pissed if he knew this was what I was learning about in college. Don't tell.

Exposed.

Holycrap I had no idea that other people were actually reading this thing.

Not to say that I don't appreciate you, I just had no idea how you all found this blog. Color me flattered. So I guess the whole idea of a Doogie-existence is sort of crap now. BIG it is...thank you mysterious commenter.

Damn. Now I gotta watch what I say.

St. Anthony (Michael) Hall.

On my way to Baxter today I noticed that everyone's face was buried in this week's edition of the The Record. Something was most definitely up. And that something was St. Anthony Hall.

Since freshman year there have been rumblings about a secret fraternity (the St. Anthony Hall secret society to be exact) at Williams. I heard about it then, but then promptly forgot about it. I didn't think about it again until the beginning of this year and a drunken (them, not me) conversation with friends about it. Their stance was of the: "If someone I consider a friend ends up being a part of it, our friendship ends. There is no more trust." While I thought it was somewhat harsh at the time, I can see their point. LIES.

Apparently the school finally decided to publicly acknowledge it. Expulsion? Wrist slap?? More on that later...I have to go to a meeting right now. But in the meantime, let us know what you think should be done. Some background: fraternities have been banned at Williams for many a decade now. The recent discoveries lead the administration to believe that St. Anthony Hall is violating the three infractions of secret clubs: (1) secret affiliation with a national organization, (2) exclusive membership, and (3) initiation rites. Apparently the group meets weekly in deserted parking lots and a barn in Vermont. Holla (comment) if you have an opinion.

Consider this the teaser.

Navy schmavy.

Heading out the door to class, but thought I would include this:

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/rivalries/armynavy_amherstwilliams.html

Go vote for the Williams/Amherst rivalry...Because we're better than those Army/Navy pansies anyday.

Woot!

Let the Good Times Roll.

I just figured out how to let you all leave comments after my posts. This will make things more fun if you take advantage. Also, once I get more people involved on this thing.

Still wrestling with if I wanna go big with this. Let's weigh the pros and cons.

Pros: (Go BIG)

-More Comments. This will make life better and more interesting. Also, I'll be able to see if people are actually reading this tripe.

-Sharing the stuff of life. One of the reasons I decided to have this blog was so that those people that I don't see or hear from as often can still keep a finger on my whereabouts. This mainly for the brolio [wave], and home friends...but sadly, also my former frosh whom I see next to never now.

-I will be less tempted to erase things when I look back at this (like in my former page-tearing days) since people might notice. Shame!

-Maybe make some people feel better about their lives...either because mine is so pathetic, or because I might make them laugh.

Cons: (Doogie)

-By keeping this relatively private I'll be like DOOGIE HOWSER, M.D. It'll be like my own private journal. Although I guess he did share his journal with millions of Doogie fans. (Maybe closer to 100 fans).

-I can talk about more people without having to censor myself. Rather than live in fear that so-and-so might one day find my page through the grapevine and then read all the dirt I write, I can know that my secret is safe. But in reality...am I really going to share that much dirt?

-People will think I'm a dork. But people already know that so...

-I can't erase!?!?!?

I'll sit on this one. But those of you who do have access...you'd better comment.

Rufus I Will Be Your Beard...

...but Rufus don't need no beard.

I went to a Rufus Wainwright concert last Saturday with Ohnemus, Mark and Bill. That was good times. It was especially good times because I hadn't been out for a long long time. It was an especially especial good time because it was RUFUS WAINWRIGHT. He is amazing. The following are some observations:

1. While I knew that Rufus was gay before going to the concert...I had no idea he was that gay. It was a recurring theme throughout the night, the epitome of which was when he sang his new song "Gay Messiah" which isn't out until Want Two. Also, many many remarks of the lesbianness of the crowd (we were near Smith). Close second was his declaration of: "Woe to the man who Rufus writes about".

2. He can really hit those high notes. Holycrap. Amazing.

3. He's not gonna be able to continue hitting those high notes if he continues smoking at the rate that he does -- while singing. Is he the future Joni Mitchell? Will he have a completely different voice (although still pretty in its own way) in thirty years? Or, will he be like Bob Dylan, who as Jamie put it: went from sounding bad, to really bad?

4. Dan "accidentally" grabs my boob a lot when he gets excited about Rufus.

5. There are a lot of lesbians at Smith. Through my conversations with Jon I gathered as much. I do believe his quote would be: "when I visiting my sister at Smith, all they did was sit in a room and talk about their vaginas....and what people were doing to them........it was weird."

That experience gets an A-. The minus is because it instilled in me the knowledge that I will never ever win Rufus back to our side.

Afterwards, as we were walking back to the car we saw a bunch of girls hopping on the four corners of the intersection. All at once they stormed the intersection and started dancing in the middle of the street. Diagonal crossing. They would then run back to the corners and continue hopping. Repeat ad nauseum. What struck me was the incessant hopping. Was it their way of warning drivers that they were going to run into the middle of the street? Was it to convince themselves that they were having fun? Were they cold? Oh how I wish I could go back in time like Marty McFly and ask those girls what they were thinking and how much they had been drinking.

Mr. Gotit Showit

Just finished the Envi Exam. Everyone in my class has already taken it so I don't think I'm breaching the Honor Code by telling you all that there was a person in one of the questions named "Mr. Gotit Showit". He was trying to develop the "Moronic Golf Course" (no doubt a take off of Williamtown's very own Taconic Golf Course). I should also mention that Mr. Gotit Showit went to Amherst. That rich bastard. It's funny when your prof. is also a Williams alum.

All in all the test was fine. I didn't overstudy this time -- damn straight -- as opposed to last time when I studied like mad and still failed. Overall, I give the experience a B+. My actual grade, however, is up in the air...we'll see.

You know that feeling after you finish something that you've been working up to for an extended period of time? It's relief, but it's also this feeling of "well now I'm done with life". That's me right now. I have no motivation to do anything right now, despite the fact that there is so much that I should be doing. To compromise, I will finish up this post then get right onto my reading for tomorrow.

They put up the snowflake lights on Spring Street. It's amazing that every year those lights go up, and every year I get all "I-love-Williamstown" when I see them. It's not like Los Angeles (or any other city/town in the US) doesn't decorate their main street come winter...but I think it just fits better with Williamstown. It's not as superficial, you know? I think this all relates back to last year when these lights went up. I was up at 5am on a Tuesday to weigh some dining hall trash (don't ask). I was all grumpy and groggy because it was 5AM in the MORNING plus it was really foggy and you couldn't see two feet in front of you. Suddenly, I saw a little star traveling up a lamppost -- I didn't see the guy until I got closer. They were putting up the lights...I shared some Xmas cheer with the lamp-decorating guy and I went my merry way with a smile on my face...to weigh trash.

That was a good day anyway.

"Here Baby Baby...get in mah BELLY!"

Taking a quick break from my studying to share the good news that my cousin is going to have a baby. While she has no plans on marriage she and her boyfriend are looking for an apartment together and all are very excited about the arrival of the newest addition to the Umesaki family (they spell their name different -- maybe it's the Peruvian thing). I think he/she should be arriving in six more months -- how exciting.

Now, this was told to me over the phone by my dearest mother. Of course the announcement was followed by questions about my own marital status. Sigh. The best part was when she referred to my relationship as an investment...she wants returns dammit! Heh. She threatened to call Jamie and harass him herself -- all in jest I assure you -- but hilarious anyway. I love my mom.

Isn't it funny that this post follows another post titled: "This is huge" and that that post is about getting canvas bags in our dining hall. Eh. [sarcasm]Babies aren't all that important anyway...[/sarcasm]

This is huge.

Today in Grab-n-Go they had canvas bags for people to take their lunches in. Amazing. This is almost as good as the composting.

Now let's see if people can actually reuse them.

Update on my MP3 player: still broke. I did however get a CD that I had ordered in the mail today. It was from that 12-hour sale they were having at Tower.com when all of their CDs were 25% off...that was good. Sadly, I don't have an MP3 player on which to put this new CD and enjoy the music on the road. Boo.

Why Rio Sucks.

I was just jammin' to Postal Service when my MP3 player decided to DIE. It DIED. Normally, this wouldn't bother me but Rio went bankrupt since I received this very generous gift, meaning no warranty, no support, no hope. Also, they went bankrupt for a reason: because their products DIE out of nowhere.

Help me. I don't know what to do without my music...my livelihood. Did I mention that all of my CDs were painstakingly transferred to this thing? Also, many hit songs from the 80s that I snagged from Napster before it went under -- I mean, how can I replace those? Buy an actual Hall and Oates CD???

I'm supposed to get my paycheck by December 15th -- do I really want to blow it on a new MP3 player? (Yes.)

[starts scouring for an iPod on eBay].

I kidd. But, if I don't get this baby up and running...and worse, if I don't get my music off of it by Wednesday then I'll be real sadlike.

"You are my density..."

Instead of studying for my exam tomorrow I decided that I would do some research for my interview on Friday with Teach for America. It's a monster-interview from 9am to 5pm, and somewhere during that stretch of time we must give a lesson in the subject and grade level of our choosing. I have chosen "Density". I still don't know what grade-level that falls under -- let me know if you know.

So for density I have prepared a series of mini-mini-experiments in which the "kids" (read: other applicants) will have to weigh different objects and come up with the three principles of density. I'm using marshmallows and ziploc bags. It's a pretty simple demo, but they only give us FIVE minutes in which to give this entire lesson and answer the questions (for which we have left time). GAH! So, I was trying to think of possible questions they could throw at me, and I realized, these "kids" are my pseudo-competition. While I know they are all quality applicants and that we aren't competing directly with one another (because if we're all good, we'll all get it) but what's to keep them from asking me really hard questions, or EATING my marshmallows whilst pretending to be a trouble-maker. Grrrrr.

I'm also in a weird position because I am one of the Campaign Coordinatoors here...meaning I (and my fellow CCs) put a lot of effort into recruiting these people to apply. Oh how my hard work could turn around and bite me in the ass. Ultimately though, [cue tinkly-piano-of-the-learning-of-a-valuable-lesson] I know that TFA goes to great lengths to make sure that everyone who gets a position on the 2004 corps will be qualified and able individuals. If I don't get it, it is because I don't have what it takes...and knowing what it takes I should take their word for it. [end tinkly piano] Because HOLYCRAP it's hard! [canned laughter].

I loathe the Olsen twins.

Curiosity Will Be My End.

So I messed around a little bit with the template -- tried to make it look more representative of me. Purple, being my favorite color is on there. Gold being another of my school colors is also there. And for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how to get rid of the orange...so deal. Maybe it will grow on us.

Another thing I added was the counter ----------------------------->

I fear that this counter will return to haunt me. It was free which never bodes well for things...but I didn't have to enter in any of that valuable information (credit card, email, etc) so I figured I would be okay. Well, I did have to enter an email...but not my real one so I think I'm homefree. Maybe they have tapped into something precious though and this free counting thingie will destroy my computer and steal my identity. Damn you The Net for putting these thoughts in my head.

So, why did I risk my identity for the counter thing? I guess curiosity to see if the fruits of my labor are being enjoyed by others. If you want to make me feel really good just refresh a whole lot of times and watch the counter rise. That will make it all worthwhile...even if I have to continue my life as Reynaldo McBrideyloofyson.

Also, I had to include some link to "Spiegel Bedding". If I alter it in anway the company will: "call [me] names and take away [my] birthday". Bullcrap I'm sure...but just in case Spiegel it is. I like birthdays. Speaking of which: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROLYN! (for two more minutes).

Day was good. I really should study for my envi law exam now...[snore].

Pacific Time in my Heart.

Question: What time zone should I be on?

Apparently, Blogger gives you the option to choose what time zone will be reflected in the nifty little "time stamp" that follows every entry. This makes sense, but now I am faced with the question of which time zone should be represented.

This is something I have been struggling with for a while now. I have lived on the East Coast for the past four years -- haven't been home in almost a year now -- and the majority of the people reading this blog will probably be on this coast. So...

Still, I love California. I also love my car. Oh, and the family too.

I'm gonna go with the Eastern time option -- I figure it will make my late night entries seem all that more interesting. Otherwise, my incoherent ramblings at 1am (4am EST) won't make much sense...aside from being incoherent...crap.

I have forty minutes 'til my next meeting! Wee! What should I read?

It Begins.

So this is me procrastinating still further. Also, this is me delving into and embracing my nerddom. I figured, why not? In fact, I have a number of reasons for it...are you ready?

1. Am real bad at keeping a diary/journal. I have never been able to sustain writing in a journal for over a week or two. Contrast this to my friends who I know keep these things religiously. Poofaces. Also, my brother who went through, not one, but two (at least) journals from cover to cover. He's real smart though so I'll let that slide.

2. Am real bad at keeping in touch with friends. This is my last year at Williams, and I figure since I'm the loner from the West Coast among my housemates, I need to get in the habit of writing stuff down where they can see it and know that I'm still alive. That pretty much goes for this year too since I hardly see them because of work.

3. Am bored. Although I am busy because of the aforementioned work...I find myself looking for something to do in those ten-minute intervals between meetings. You know, too little time to do something genuinely productive like sleep, read, end world hunger, etc. but too much time to waste doing not productive things like sit around reading about all the T.V. shows I don't have time to watch on Television Without Pity.

4. Really. Who doesn't want to read about my exciting life? I'm doing the world a favor.

So there goes. I actually wrote another post before this but it mysteriously disappeared as I was futzing around with this. Just pretend that you read it, and that now you think I'm really funny.

Sweet.