Gobble-Gee and Gobble Gobble-Giggle.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Have a great one whereever you are.

It Must Suck to be the Sucky Baldwin.

HOME! So nice to be home. Good to see the family -- my brother and Kathy are visiting -- and nice to see Jamie again.

The trip over was pretty nice. Lots of kids, but luckily they mostly fell on the adorable and entertaining side, rather than the obnoxious and loud one. What was interesting was that for the last leg of my trip from Las Vegas to L.A. I sat next to one of the Baldwin brothers. He was strange.

So I'm reading the airline magazine and Daniel Baldwin pokes me on the shoulder asking to see it. He returned it shortly after, but then poked me again two more times to ask which magazine I'm reading and then what page I was on.

Ten minutes go by and he pokes me on the shoulder. At this point I have finished reading the magazine and just offer it to him. He just says: "actually, I was asking you about that magazine because that's my brother." I'm confused and he clarifies that the article I was reading had Alec on there. "Don't you recognize me?"

Sorry Mr. Non-Celebrity, but not even real celebrities should ask that question. It's pretty obnoxious. I offer some recollection and offer the excuse that I go to school in rural Massachusetts and don't have easy access to pop culture and film. We then do the typical small talk of, whereyouheading?blah blah blah whatever-cakes. Then I politely turn back to my work.

Ten minutes later he pokes me AGAIN and tells me to "Stop Working. Just Stop." He asks where I go to college. I say Williams, he dramatically sighs and says that if I went to USC then he could speak to the dean and make it so that I didn't have finals. Okay. I'm obviously flying home from NOT L.A. therefore I do not attend USC. Also, didn't I just say that I went to school in RURAL MASSACHUSETTS?? But, instead of pointing these out, I tell him he could pull some strings with Morty since Morty used to be the dean for USC and he feigns recognition of the name. Awkward silence and then I go back to work.

[Poke -- I'm starting to get really annoyed].
D.Baldwin: You're really cute you know that? You're adorable.
Me: [thinking] WTF?????
D.Baldwin's Wife/Girlfriend: You're sooooooooooo adorable. We love you.
Me: Ummm. I'll take that as a compliment?
D.B.W/G: Oh you should! We think your beautiful!
D.B.: How old are you?
Me: [mental scream]

It should be noted that I'm not embellishing this. Weirdness.

How sad it must be to have to call attention to yourself and your sad career so blatantly. Also, how sad it must be to have to fly Southwest when your brothers are millionaires. Okay, maybe one is a millionaire. Billy's pretty hot though. Stephen will always have a special place in my heart because for some weird reason I like the movie "Threesome".

Daniel Baldwin's Grade: C-
Daniel Baldwin's Wife/Girlfriend: D
Cute Baby Sitting Next to Me: A

You know those fake mannequin-like people that some commuters put in their passenger seat so that they can cruise in the carpool lane? I need one of those for the airport -- but this one must be a little kid. Then I can be a preboarder. I swear, the majority of the people getting on the plane were in that line because of the kid thing. And some of those kids were definitely not under 6. Stupid Southwest.

Happy Turkey Day!

Gone Home.

Today I return to the West Coast for the first time in a long long time. Let's see how much things have changed in the past year...

It's kind of depressing that I'm taking a huge bag home for 4 days, but it's full of books. None of your crass. Maybe when I come back it will be filled with presents! And puppies! And candy!...and the same books that have to come back.

See you from the other coast.

We are so smart. We are so smart. S-M-R-T.

So technically I'm free. No school until the 1st of December for Thanksgiving Break. I say "technically" because I have a crapload of stuff due the 2nd and will therefore have to spend a whole lotta time working on it over break. But who's bitter?

According to this week's "Record", this year's senior class is the strongest in decades, nay "the strongest, perhaps, in the history of the College" according to Dean Grudin. That must be why I didn't get Phi Betta Kappa. [Snort]. Two seniors were named Rhodes Scholars (one of which is Jeff -- major props to you, friend) and two others were awarded Marshall Fellowships...meanwhile here's me...writin' in my blog...[scratches butt].

I'll do good things...just give me a little more time.

[gets back to studying].

SNOW!

Never mind that it was almost 60 degrees here earlier today.

Oh Williamstown you slay me.

I can't feel my fingers.

Library Pet Peeves II.

These two people have been sitting in the room talking loudly and lauging -- seriously, they are unabashedly talking at normal+ decibels -- for the past three hours. Is the hallway too far away for them? I don't know. Also, they are totally flirting. And one of them is dating my friend...who is not the person she is flirting with. You get a D- for the night girl who shall remain nameless.

[raises volume on new iPod].

[rocks out].

"The Last!!! I knew you were the last!"

You thought I wasn't gonna post today didn't you. Well. I'm not gonna give up quite yet...although this will probably be the longest I've kept anything journalesque going. Be proud of me. So...here's to a quick entry from Jesup.

Yesterday was indeed the day of good eats. Ari's turkey was sumptous (and I don't mean that in a sexual way...perv). Not to mention Susie H's deeeeelicious tuber concoction. Well done boys. We had a lot of really nice people over and good times were had. I was going to be bitter about having to leave early for a yearbook meeting, but then I got to see a copy of the new 2003 yearbook hot of the presses. That made it mo' bettah.

I got my iPod today. I didn't tell you I actually bought because I didn't want to show my weakness...but I did. And it's lovely -- it was even engraved with my name (for FREE!) so none of youse can steal it from me (Mikey). I am currently downloading my CD collection onto it. Boy howdy am I happy.

Now I'm going to talk about a weird dream I had yesterday...not last night, mind you, but the night before last night. Enough time has passed that I don't really remember what happened in that dream, but I do know that there were characters from "Flight of Dragons" in there. Did anyone else see that movie besides me? D? Jess? Bueller...Bueller?? I think it was from the same people who did "The Last Unicorn" which is a fine movie starring Mia Farrow and Angela Lansbury (I believe) and some other guy actor who was Prince Lear but his name escapes me...maybe Jeff Bridges?? Jess'll know.

Anyway, "Flight of Dragons" was the same animation style, and also the same type of "made-for-kids-but-also-traumatizes-kids" story (I used to have nightmares of the boobilicious harpy from Unicorn). There is this part in Flight of Dragons with these screeching rat-like things that drives people and dragons crazy by making this really high-pitched awful noise...that was in my dream. Most unpleasant.

P.S. Did you know they are remaking "The Last Unicorn" but in live-action? Bad idea friends.

P.P.S. I was right...it was Jeff bridges. I rule.

Some Good Eatin'.

Today is the day of good eats.

Just got back from an Advisory Board meeting -- had me a really good sandwich (better than last night's) from Five Corners. I really like Advisory Board. I think it may very well be my favorite activity. We get free food on the dean's office, Dean Johnson (DCJ) is hilarious, and the actual board is pretty freakin' cool. Good times are had.

The other part of good eatin' is gonna take place at Lambert tonight. We're having a very special Thanksgiving potluck dinner...I think it's gonna be huge. Although, Ari's cooking the turkeys so let's hope he knows what he's doing...otherwise I'll have to change this post title to "A Good Sandwich, but some Undercooked Turkey and a Bad Stomachache".

Eep. Gotta go.

Library Pet Peeves.

No Jamie. This is not about the argument we had last night. This is about the girl who just came into the library.

First of all, she brought in her smelly smelly food. I am across the room from her and I can smell the curly fries and tuna melt. Normally this would not be so bad...but that combination of food is HORRENDOUS. Also, she chews very very loudly. And wetly. Holycrap -- shut. yer. hole. while you chew. Last, she is playing her music loudly as well (mind you, she's chewing so loudly I can hear it over her music). But seriously folks, who plays music on the computer without headphones. That's just rude. Granted I am the only other person in here but still. RUDE.

Maybe I wouldn't be so grumpy if I my MP3 player hadn't died. Then I would be able to drown out her overall loudness. Oh. My. God. Who actually smacks their lips as they eat (and isn't 80 and trying to keep their dentures in)? Okay smacking-girl, you're officially on my blacklist.

Right up there with that guy a couple months ago who cleared his throat incessantly for three hours. Oh, and that heavy-breather from last year. I'm usually a tolerant person, but that goes out the window when I have been in Jesup for many many hours.

HOLYCRAP. She just started playing a DVD on the computer without headphones. Holycrap. And she just dropped her fries on the floor. Maybe she'll stop smacking them.

Maybe this is a sign that I should get out of the library.

My day.

Why it sucked.
-Had to get up at 8 despite Saturday status
-Realized that I had a crapload of work to do, not mention a big project presentation the Tuesday after break........for which I have done no work.
-Put in a dollar at the vending machine for a Diet Coke -- it gave me a Cherry Coke (note: this is not the first time this has happened).
-Majority of the day was spent in the library.
-Took a quick break to visit friends -- no one was there.

Why it was good.
-IT'S MY ANNIE LOUISEY'S BIRTHDAY!!!
-Amazing walk down Spring Street (explain later)
-Just ate a pretty good sandwich for dinner.

So...overall ruling on the day: GOOD. You can't compete with Anne Louise's birthday.

So here is a list of the top five reasons I love Anne Louise and hope she has a great birthday:
5. Yesterday, as I was passing the coffee shop Anne Louise rushed out to give me love despite being barefoot and labeled "crazee gurl" by all coffee shop patrons.
4. She's a princess.
3. She can do a perfect reenactment of the episode of "Saved by the Bell" where Jessie gets addicted to speed ("I'm so excited...and I just can't...hide it...[falls into Zach's arms].)
2. She has banana pants.
1. She's pretty hot.

So for all these reasons and more: I love you Anne Louise...have a happy birthday if I don't get to see you tonight. You better party hard.

The aforementioned walk down Spring Street was out of a Farrelly brothers movie...except really good. Let me recap for you...

10:53am. Man in tiny short shorts starts climbing up a steep, wet, grassy hill. Falls all the way down approximately 4 seconds later. Face is covered with grass when he gets up. Showed no signs of injury.

10:54am. Two little kids holding hands skipping/walking briskly down the street. Go on opposite sides of a street sign but forget to let go. Kids collide face first as they both whip around and into each other -- burst into tears. Nearby parent/guardian tries to help them but is laughing too hard. Children showed no signs of injury.

10:55am. Woman walking two dogs stops at a curb before crossing the street. Dogs tangle their leashes around her. Woman is stuck, dogs sniff each others' butts.

Ahhh, downtown Williamstown...center of excitement.

Also, why is Cherry Coke the foulest substance on earth?

Teach free or die.

The following is actual dialogue from my interview:

Interviewer: Under what circumstances would you quit Teach for America?
Me: Ummmmmm....[sighs pensively]....hmmmm...[shifts in seat]
Interviewer: ...
Me: ...if I...died??
Interviewer: [scribbles furiously in notepad]

I wonder if they had a checkbox for that question..."Willing to work for TFA until DEATH...check!" So that probably wasn't the best answer to that question, but I seriously couldn't think of anything.

So the interview day was okay -- it was actually pretty fun! I didn't do as well as I would have liked to, but what are you going to do now. We'll see come December 15th. Overall I give my performance a B, but give the experience an A-. Damn there are some fun/cool/smart people applying to be corps members.

I'll update again soon, but for now I must NAP.

Yargh!

Such the bundle of nerves right now. I am six hours away from my interview and I'm a little (A LOT) scared. eep!

Also, I'm typing with my nose about two inches from the monitor because I already took out my contacts and can't see shit. Just wanted to have a chance at famous last words before tomorrow.

Night! I'll let you know how it goes down...

Sal(i)vation.

Today had the potential to be a bad day. You know, one of those days where lots of little things go wrong...things that wouldn't matter normally, but when added together in one day just makes everything sucky. But then I got two pickles with my Grab-n-Go sandwich instead of one and life was good again. I like pickles.

Except for that time Josh had that jar of giant pickles sitting outside his room for like three months sophomore year. Those pickles were evil.

Hey you know what's funny? I'm taking a Spanish test tomorrow! "Aye, no es bueno." Let's see how much dumber I have gotten over the years.

"Who's the boss? Tony Danza?? I don't think so...it's you!"

So I realized that my last post was kind of a downer. So here's a joke:

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers." she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!" She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."


ba-dum-DUM! Get it? Get it?? Because he's such an a-hole?? He thinks he's the boss but he's not! Get it???

Okay so it's a bad joke...

Multiplicity.

I saw that Michael Keaton movie a long long time ago. I don't really remember the premise (aside from the obvious cloning), but I was thinking about it earlier tonight. Tonight was a pretty busy night -- I had a bunch of back-to-back meetings and I still had to miss one. It made me sad. Don't you ever wish that you could just do more in life. Like, I do all this stuff because I enjoy it and we should all do things that we enjoy. But then you realize that all these other things that you enjoy -- like spending time with friends or reading a book -- just start to fall away. And the things that are less enjoyable like schoolwork and whatnot are completely ignored.

BUT, all is not lost. Because after my last commitment tonight I started doing some work on my lesson plan for Friday's interview and now I'm pumped. I got it honed to under five minutes -- leaving time for one minute of questions -- and I even got the handouts worked out. I'm really excited and also a bit nervous. I don't think I've wanted anything so bad in my life.

Actually, that's not true. What I would like more is a clone so that I can still do everything else I want while preparing for TFA. For example, tomorrow I'm facilitating a discussion on Breast Cancer Awareness. While I'm excited about that -- I'm not going to be fully there because this interview is going to be in the back of my mind the whole time. Well...maybe the facilitating will be some form of preparation for my interview. Who knows?

I'm also a little sad because everything else seems to be slipping a little. Yearbook should be okay, but I got a bitchy email about it earlier today reminding me of all these things I should be doing as the editor. I missed the Peer Health meeting today (see above) and I think a lot of other people did too. Advisory Board's good though and I know Selection Committee's gonna be awesome. But aside from this interview prep thing tonight, I've done not all that much for my paycheck. CLONES! I NEED CLONES!

And if I can't have clones -- a hug would be nice.

Cookie Monster.

Seriously two minutes before i have to go, but I thought I would update.

Tonight we're (my fellow TFA CCs and I) are throwing together an prep session for our interviews on Friday. For this event I purchased some cookies from Stop-N-Shop. The box clearly reads: 24-pk. I'm assuming this means there are 24 cookies in each. But, as I was getting everything ready this morning I noticed that not only did it seem as though there were fewer cookies in the M&M cookie tub, but that the tub had been left open.

Scandal. This leads me to believe that either I bought the tub not realizing that it had been open, and some bad bad person had put their grubby hand in there at Stop-N-Shop and stolen cookies, or some kind of animal is living in my room and ate a cookie. And then was unable to close the tub because of their lack of opposable thumbs.

Would it be unsanitary for me to serve the cookies anyway?? I bought frosting to go on them too! It would be such a waste. Stop-N-Shop needs to put seals on their bakery products.

P.S. Why does the sun hate Williamstown so much? Stupid rain.

Umezaki-Sauce: The Legend

So I've gotten a couple "questions" about the title of this website. And by "questions" I mean people telling me that I'm "gross" and a "perv" (said jokingly...I hope). Too many quotes in that last sentence. Anyway here is the true story behind Umezaki-Sauce:

For those of you that know Jamie, you know that he is the nicest, most not pervy (not that those are mutually-exclusive) guy in town. Anyway, one night (I forget why), we were trying to come up with a nickname for me with his two little brothers (who at the time were 18 and 12). Someone suggested "Umezaki-Sauce" to which Jamie exclaimed: "Umezaki-Sauce? I like it! It sounds like something I'd want to put on my meat!" The clincher was when everyone in the room -- including the 12 year-old brother -- started laughing while Jamie still had no idea why what he said was funny. I'm sure if you ask him, he'll pretend like he meant for it to be funny. If that were the case, Jamie, then SHAME for being so vulgur around your 12 year-old brother! But we all know the truth...

On another note: the comment option seems to be sort of shoddy right now -- sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. I apologize.

Gather round kiddies...

...I have a story to tell.

This story is about a man named "Doo". Now, this "Doo" fellow is quite the riot -- real funny-like. He enjoys striking at my soft spot for a certain former-Dawson's Creek star (and what a bright star it was too). Anyway...this guy (Doo) is a real jerkface and he decides to mock my love for Rufus and former Dawson's Creek star all in one day. What. A. Butt.

So Doo is getting married in June and -- because he is evil -- planned his wedding for the day before my college graduation. I have deduced that this is because he is trying to steal Jamie (and his frigid toes) away from me. Needless to say, I proved to weak for Doo's sinister powers, and Jamie will be attending the wedding in June without me and I will be left to graduate all by myself. [shakes fist] Let's see what kind of wedding gift you get, Doo!

But, seriously folks: I am a gullible ass.

Here's to my expensive education.

Two out my three classes today had a guest speaker. The one I choose to focus on for this post is psychologist Daryl Bem. Prof. Bem focuses much of his studies on sexual orientation and a notion of a gay gene (for those interested he believes there is no gay gene, but rather a genetic driving force in temperament which determines sexual orientation). But, I will not get into that too much. Rather I will focus on one study from his lecture:

To test sex differences in views on casual sex, Bem had two good-looking experimenters (one male, one female) go around college campuses (I forget which campus this was...he's taught at Stanford, Harvard, and Cornell though) and approach random students with the following statement: "I've seen you around and I find you very attractive. Would you like to _______?" Into this blank insert (A) go on a date?, (B) come over to my apartment? or (C) have sex?

The results:

Women: 52 said they would go on a date, 6 agreed to the apartment option, and 0 said "yes" to sex.
Men: 50 agreed to go on a date, 69 would go to the apartment, and 75 said "yes" to the sex option.

Now...I can gather that men view casual sex differently than women -- after all there is an added danger for a woman to go to a strange man's apartment (much less have sex with him) that men don't necessarily face. Also, there is the baby factor. But 75??? Who are these 75 men??

He then followed this with a theory for the stereotype that gay men are more promiscous. Since [fingerquotes] all men (gay or straight) perceive casual sex as not so bad then gay men are more likely to meet up with a potential partner that wouldn't scoff at casual sex. Meanwhile straight men go to women (incidentally both hetero- and homosexual women did not like casual sex) who would not agree to casual sex. They are barking up the wrong tree per se.

Very interesting Mr. Bem. My dad would be pissed if he knew this was what I was learning about in college. Don't tell.

Exposed.

Holycrap I had no idea that other people were actually reading this thing.

Not to say that I don't appreciate you, I just had no idea how you all found this blog. Color me flattered. So I guess the whole idea of a Doogie-existence is sort of crap now. BIG it is...thank you mysterious commenter.

Damn. Now I gotta watch what I say.