It Must Suck to be the Sucky Baldwin.

HOME! So nice to be home. Good to see the family -- my brother and Kathy are visiting -- and nice to see Jamie again.

The trip over was pretty nice. Lots of kids, but luckily they mostly fell on the adorable and entertaining side, rather than the obnoxious and loud one. What was interesting was that for the last leg of my trip from Las Vegas to L.A. I sat next to one of the Baldwin brothers. He was strange.

So I'm reading the airline magazine and Daniel Baldwin pokes me on the shoulder asking to see it. He returned it shortly after, but then poked me again two more times to ask which magazine I'm reading and then what page I was on.

Ten minutes go by and he pokes me on the shoulder. At this point I have finished reading the magazine and just offer it to him. He just says: "actually, I was asking you about that magazine because that's my brother." I'm confused and he clarifies that the article I was reading had Alec on there. "Don't you recognize me?"

Sorry Mr. Non-Celebrity, but not even real celebrities should ask that question. It's pretty obnoxious. I offer some recollection and offer the excuse that I go to school in rural Massachusetts and don't have easy access to pop culture and film. We then do the typical small talk of, whereyouheading?blah blah blah whatever-cakes. Then I politely turn back to my work.

Ten minutes later he pokes me AGAIN and tells me to "Stop Working. Just Stop." He asks where I go to college. I say Williams, he dramatically sighs and says that if I went to USC then he could speak to the dean and make it so that I didn't have finals. Okay. I'm obviously flying home from NOT L.A. therefore I do not attend USC. Also, didn't I just say that I went to school in RURAL MASSACHUSETTS?? But, instead of pointing these out, I tell him he could pull some strings with Morty since Morty used to be the dean for USC and he feigns recognition of the name. Awkward silence and then I go back to work.

[Poke -- I'm starting to get really annoyed].
D.Baldwin: You're really cute you know that? You're adorable.
Me: [thinking] WTF?????
D.Baldwin's Wife/Girlfriend: You're sooooooooooo adorable. We love you.
Me: Ummm. I'll take that as a compliment?
D.B.W/G: Oh you should! We think your beautiful!
D.B.: How old are you?
Me: [mental scream]

It should be noted that I'm not embellishing this. Weirdness.

How sad it must be to have to call attention to yourself and your sad career so blatantly. Also, how sad it must be to have to fly Southwest when your brothers are millionaires. Okay, maybe one is a millionaire. Billy's pretty hot though. Stephen will always have a special place in my heart because for some weird reason I like the movie "Threesome".

Daniel Baldwin's Grade: C-
Daniel Baldwin's Wife/Girlfriend: D
Cute Baby Sitting Next to Me: A

You know those fake mannequin-like people that some commuters put in their passenger seat so that they can cruise in the carpool lane? I need one of those for the airport -- but this one must be a little kid. Then I can be a preboarder. I swear, the majority of the people getting on the plane were in that line because of the kid thing. And some of those kids were definitely not under 6. Stupid Southwest.

Happy Turkey Day!